Smile because it's happened

NIGEL LATTA (one of my most favourite people ever) recently posted on Facebook:

"What's the hardest thing about being a parent? It isn't the sleepless nights, or the endless fights.

"It isn't the constant worrying about every last little thing, or the constant pestering about every last little thing.

"It isn't the impact on your work life, your love life, or your social life. It isn't the lack of money, the lack of time, or even the lack of anything approaching a life of your own."

He said: "It feels like it's all of those things, but it's none of them. In the end, the hardest thing about being a parent is truly understanding that everything comes with a number.

"You get a certain number of bedtime stories, and a certain number of bedtime kisses. You get a certain number of roads they'll cross holding your hand, and a certain number of sports matches on a Saturday morning. You get a certain number of bike rides, and a certain number of bad jokes with no real punch line.

"Most of all ... you get a certain number of hours."

Nigel lamented: "One day you'll go to the bucket, and it will be empty.

"So - and I'm saying this as much to myself as to anyone else - get as much as you can, of all that you can, for as long as you possibly can. It's the only score you'll get that will ever truly mean anything, and it's also the hardest one to keep track of. Good luck."

Now I am a huge admirer of Nigel Latta, but I found myself not necessarily agreeing with his sentiment. A following quote from Dr Seuss helps to explain why: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

After reading Nigel's words, it made me feel sad. Childhood goes by so quickly, and what I have found is that no matter how much attention you pay to every little moment, no matter how much you devour your child's attention, it still goes by in a flash.

Moreover, I find that my children are like wine, I have enjoyed them more with age. I am certainly not going to miss the tantrums, the disrupted nights, the fussy eating and the narcissistic, borderline, psychopathic traits of preschoolers.

So, instead of crying because it is over, I prefer to smile because it has happened.

Smile because all that hard work has paid off. Smile because my 7-year-old has become a resourceful, empathic, kind and fun person to be with. We get to do all these cool things together, and I adore the person that he is becoming.

Although it is great for happiness to savour memories from the past, I prefer to keep moving forward, enjoying every moment of time I get with my kids and smiling because each age brings with it something joyful and magnificent to be celebrated.

A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in wellbeing at Auckland University of Technology.