SKIP Whanganui: Keep calm and carry on with children

SKIP has a fridge magnet with tips to help parents stay calm when they are feeling angry with their kids.

It's always good to remember that all parents get angry with their kids sometimes.

We now know from brain development research that children can't learn when they are frightened - they are too scared to understand what they did wrong and how to change it. By staying calm when dealing with children's behaviour that we don't like:

-We help keep them calm and more able to understand the consequences of their actions

-We teach them a positive way of behaving even when they feel frustrated, which will help their relationships later in life

-We also help keep our relationship with each other feeling safe and warm.

SKIP's new fridge magnet is based on the following Staying Calm steps:

-Notice your breathing - are you holding breath or gasping? Is your heart speeding up? Are there other signs you are getting angry?

-Walk away from your child and not towards them. Give yourself a moment to get your thoughts together and their behaviour in perspective.

-Count, sing loudly or jump to let your angry energy out.

-Deep breaths take oxygen to your brain to help clarify and calm your thinking.

-Go back to your child and deal with their behaviour calmly. Have age-appropriate consequences but let them know you still love them, even when you don't like their behaviour.

-Talk it all through with someone you trust so that you can cope even better next time.

It's harder to stay calm when our minds are on other stressful things like money or relationship problems. It helps to think about what you are really angry about. When we are stressed it is also easy to overreact or see our children's behaviour as naughty when they make mistakes. Consider the stage of development they are at and try to see things from their point of view.

For more ideas:

-Read the Staying Calm with Kids booklet, a free resource from SKIP.

-Find an Anger Change or other parenting course to add useful strategies to your parenting kete.

-Your Well Child/Tamariki Ora book will give you a list of the types of behaviour to expect at different stages of development and ways to respond as a parent.

Pio Terei will be here on Monday, September 14 at 7.30pm for a "Parenting Show with Pio, Building Awesome Whanau" presentation.

He will be sharing great strategies and tips for surviving the parenting journey.

This is a free event hosted by SKIP.

If you would like to join us or for any other great parenting resources for zero to 5-year-olds contact Lynette and Liza at SKIP Whanganui phone (06) 345 3008, text 027 626 1404 or email skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz.