Skip Whanganui: Give your child lots of praise

Liza Iliffe Photo/File

Last week we looked at the different stages children go through as they develop between newborn and 2 years old. This week we're looking at what happens in the next stages, between 2-5 years.

Not all children develop and reach milestones at the same rate, but they do pass through the same stages. Understanding something about those stages can help you understand that what could look like naughty behaviour is actually just a part of growing up.

In the stages between 2-3 years, although 2-year-olds don't like change, they do start to calm down as they approach 3 and learn new skills. They start to talk a lot, have lots of energy and enjoy noise. They develop definite likes and dislikes with food, clothes, toys etc. Some 2-year-olds get a bit bossy or jealous. You can:

-Give lots of praise when they do something well

-Listen to what they are saying - and try to answer all those questions

-Do things together that you enjoy

-Give one instruction at a time - not a list

-Give clear directions

-Give them little jobs to do

-Try to set a good example - your children copy what you do

-Set clear limits and stick to them

-Be consistent

-Keep an eye out to see if they're ready for toilet training

-Explain why you don't like something they are doing

-Talk lots - praise their talking

In the stage from 3-4 years your child might have an unsettled time, especially around 3-and-a-half when they are feeling insecure. Children can have struggles with their mother, in particular, but still enjoy talking things through. Around 4 they become very energetic and might be rough, impatient and loud. Three and 4-year-olds love adventures.

You can:

-Try to avoid head-on clashes

-Keep telling them how great they are

-Use lots of words like "let's" or "how about we"

-Give in when things aren't important

-If they say "no" change the subject or distract

-Ignore silly talking

-If your child swears, suggest other words they can use

-Behave as you would like your children to behave

-Stick to limits and rules

-Try bargaining - if you pick up your toys we'll go to the park

-Have calm down times when there's trouble. Take your child to a safe quiet area, explain why they are there, and that they can come back when they are ready to do what you have asked them to do. This should only be for 2-3 minutes.

-Say yes as much as possible. Pick your battles.

Between 4-5 years, as your child gets older, they will be more co-operative. They will have lots of energy and love talking about themselves. They will tell the odd tale or lie, but they will play happily with others - although there will be arguments. As they get closer to 5 they may calm down and be keen to please you. They won't like admitting they are wrong and will try to be good.

You can:

-Be clear about what is expected of them

-Give lots of praise when they do well

-Have rules and limits (not lots) and stick to them

-Encourage your child to try lots of different things

-Let them help you to plan the day

-Give them chores to do so they can show you how clever they are

-Be calm when you do have to discipline them

-Give lots of affection

-Encourage them to work out solutions to problems

-Reassure them if they are scared or frightened

-Set a good example

-Be consistent.

For more information and free SKIP parenting resources, contact Liza and Lynette at skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz or text/phone 027 626 1404.