SKIP Whanganui: Getting the drift of bedtime

THIS week we thought we would look at another of those tricky parenting issues that affect families - sleeping through the night. For some families, sleeping is an easy, pleasant routine but for many others it is an exhausting time filled with uncertainty that can lead to anxiety.

Broken or lack of sleep can feel like torture for some parents, and we know that children's health, development and behaviour is reliant on them getting sufficient sleep.

Parents who have been through this stage will tell you that they do eventually get into a routine and everyone gets sleep. If you are regularly getting up in the night, remember to use your babies' or children's sleeping time during the day as your rest time too.

Here are some things to think about and try when you and your little ones aren't getting enough sleep.

-Try and stick to a relaxed bedtime routine - it might include feeding, bathing, massage, singing or a story.

-Be alert to signs of over-tiredness, as it can make settling them much harder.

-Try and put them to bed when they are relaxed and sleepy but not asleep.

-Use soothing techniques, gentle stroking, singing or a reassuring hand on their back. Soft background music may help.

-Leave the room and give them a chance to learn to go to sleep without you present.

If they still aren't settling:

-Don't rush back if they grizzle - wait to see if the tone is getting louder or quieter.

-Check the vitals - clean, dry, warm, not hungry - all okay? Try the soothing techniques again.

-Try to avoid eye contact, be gentle yet firm when you know your child needs sleep.

-Keep a "sleep diary" over a week to get a picture of their sleeping/waking patterns.

Things to think about:

-Sometimes we expect babies and young children to be more settled than they can be, for example 75 per cent of NZ 1-year-olds wake once or more a night.

-Sleeping habits will change as babies grow. Newborns need responsive night parenting.

-Don't assume the longer they're awake the quicker they'll settle and longer they'll sleep.

-Your child can learn to go to sleep without you if that is what you want - it just takes time.

-Sickness, teething, new experiences and changes in routines can all affect sleep patterns.

-All humans have sleep cycles which bring us close to waking - every 45 minutes for newborns and every few hours for adults. Adults have learned to roll over and go back to sleep. Children can too, if given the chance.

-Sleep arrangements that suit one family may not suit another.

-Disruptions to routine can happen, for example travel or illness. You can go back to the routine when life settles down.

Things children might be thinking:

-"Where's mum gone, she was here a moment ago when I fell asleep on her lap?"

-"I can hear everyone talking and laughing and having a good time in the lounge without me."

-"Now that's better - I wondered where my blanky had gone."

Remember that it's a short time in your child's life, when they need you a lot. If you have more than one preschooler, make sure that you factor in quiet times to your day so that everyone gets time to rest. If that isn't possible, maybe ask a close family member or friend to mind your preschooler for an afternoon a week until you catch up a bit.

If you are needing support, help is available at the Wanganui Plunket Family Centre, ph 345 2011. For more tips contact Liza or Lynette at Strategies for Kids and Information for Parents (Skip), phone or text 027 626 1404, or email skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz.