SKIP: Keep calm and take it in stages

CHILDREN change very quickly between birth and 5. Understanding their different stages can help explain their behaviour.

Not all children develop and reach milestones at the same rate, but they do pass through the same stages. Understanding something about those stages can help you to understand that what could look like naughty behaviour is actually just a part of growing up.

From newborn to 18 months, babies cry when they need something. When they are very little they will often have an awake-time in the evening. This can be hard when you are tired too, but like all the other stages young children go through, things will settle down.

Babies use the five senses - seeing, hearing, smelling, touch and taste - to learn about the world. Babies often have unsettled times when they seem to cry more and be more difficult to calm. These usually happen around 8, 20, 32 and 44 weeks. You can:

-give lots of attention - your baby won't be spoiled by too much love

-respond to crying, although remember that some babies have a little cry before they go off to sleep - if this happens every time they go to bed wait a few minutes to see what happens

-check to see if nappy needs changing or are they hungry, tired, too hot or too cold

-comfort your baby by holding and talking or singing softly to them

-pop them in pram or backpack and keep moving

-give them a nice warm bath

-take them out in the car

-give them to someone else to hold (especially if you're tired).

Note: If your child has a special need, they might take more time to reach the different stages and/or to learn new things. They will still need you to set limits and boundaries, and lots of opportunities to learn. You can ask your GP or paediatrician about people who can help with this.

Try to think of it as a short time in your child's life when they need you a lot.

From 18 months to 2 years, toddlers want to do things for themselves and they want things here and now. They don't like change and are easily frustrated and bored. They start to test limits and to talk, run and climb. They love being outside and going for walks. Temper tantrums might start at about the age of 2. You can:

-keep your patience and a sense of humour

-give your child advance warning if you would like them to do something "in a little while ..."

-balance independence with limits - "you can drink out of a mug but you have to sit on the floor"

-look for things to praise, try not to give lots of attention to bad behaviour

-keep limits simple and consistent

-start toilet training if your child shows interest

-give limited choices. Ask if they want to wear the blue shirt or the yellow shirt - not which shirt they want to wear (it will be the one in the wash)

-explain things as much as you can

-tell your child what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do

-involve your child in what you're doing. Get them to hand you the pegs, or to get the letters out of the mail box

-try not to let your child make you do things by having tantrums

-don't pressure your child if they are tired

-if your child does have a tantrum make sure they're safe, and try to ignore them. When it's all over praise them for calming down, don't tell them off

-try to anticipate difficult times and avoid if you can

-if you can see your child is getting angry or frustrated, try to redirect them.

Next week, we'll look at what happens for children in the stages between 2 and 5 years. -For more information or to request free Skip Parenting resources, contact Liza and Lynette at skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz or text/phone 027 626 1404