Skip: Helpful tips to deal with tantrums

Liza Iliffe Photo/File

It can be frustrating and embarrassing, when your children are yelling and screaming especially when it's in a public place.

We know that for young children this can be a way of dealing with the frustration of not having the language to use. For older children it may be a case of teaching them the words to use instead. Here are some things to try if you have a little person needing help with this.

It's important to remember that the way we act towards our children and others, the words we use and how we say them are how we teach our children to communicate. Some days we don't act in ways we'd like them to copy. When we are feeling calm it might help to sit and think about their yelling and screaming episodes. What prompts them, where and when do they happen most, and how can we respond to them.

Things children might be thinking:

-"I'm trying to tell them I'm hungry but nobody is taking any notice of me."

-"Why would I use a lot of words when a nice loud yell gets me what I want?"

-"This is so scary/exciting/fun I just can't stop myself from screaming."

Things to think about:

-Often children use yelling and screaming when they can't express themselves with words.

-Children need balance in their day - enough food, activity, rest, noisy and quiet times, social time and time alone.

-How do others in your environment act when they are stressed or frustrated? Is your child copying?

-Are they getting enough attention without the need to yell and scream?

-It might be a waste of breath to try and talk to a child who is in the middle of a screaming tantrum.

-If yelling and screaming has become a regular response to not getting what they want - try withdrawing your attention from them and go about your business as usual until they use a polite voice. A performance without an audience is not so much fun!

-Try an idea a few times. It may take a while before you see a change in behaviour.

Things to try:

-Watch for signs of frustration and respond quickly - offer help or suggest a change of activity.

-Respond to their outburst by using words to explain to them how they are feeling "I think you are angry. Can you tell me about it?"

-Say what you want your child to do, not what you don't want, say "Use a quiet voice please" rather than "stop yelling".

-Try and stay calm yourself and use your quiet controlled voice (even if you have the urge to yell back!).

-Praise them for acceptable behaviour "thanks for using your quiet voice and telling Dad what you want".

-Respond in the same calm way every time.

-Work out family rules together. Stick to a small number of rules (up to five) that everyone in the house knows about and understands.

Try some of these ideas and see if they help.

I find that if I respond to my children quickly they are less likely to get frustrated and start raising their voices to get my attention. With children who find it difficult to remember what it was that was so important, a quick response can minimise the frustration of having to wait and then not remembering.

-For more information check out the Free SKIP Parenting Resources, to order copies contact contact Lynette or Liza at SKIP Whanganui phone or text 027 626 1404, or email skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz.