DURING the past few months I have observed some pretty decent examples of generosity. It makes me wonder whether these naturally generous and kind folk are aware that in giving to others they double their own pleasure, rather than halve it.
At first thought this may seem counterintuitive. You wouldn'tthink that giving something away would actually double what you get in return, but studies show generosity and sharing with others has a remarkable impact on happiness.
Many studies have investigated the relationship between generosity and happiness, finding that people who volunteer, donate money or their time, and make themselves available to other people experience far greater well-being.
Think about it. When you share something with another person you not only get to experience your own pleasure but you experience theirs as well. In fact, one of the most selfish things you could do is to share.
I have a great example to draw upon as a beautiful illustration of the benefits of generosity. My family and I recently had a trip to Patea Dam for a few nights of camping (brilliant spot by the way). Here we met an outrageously generous family.
They owned a boat, and David (the father) caught my kids ogling as it was launched. As quick as a flash, he'd invited us on to the boat and gave my son a ride on the biscuit. When he came back into the jetty, he invited my hubby and I on to the boat for a ride up the river and then we also got to have a ride on the biscuit. I was delighted, we had so much fun and our laughter and enthusiasm clearly rubbed off on the crowd around us.
Afterwards I thanked David profusely for his generosity. He was a bit dismissive, asking "well why wouldn't you do that"?
He told me of a few other times he had been at Patea Dam and shared his boat or equipment with others and said it felt good to share in the enjoyment of others.
I really think David gets it. He could have kept his boat to himself and had a fun day, but realised he got far more pleasure out of sharing it. He gave a perfect summary of what generosity is all about "it makes you feel good to make others feel good". What a guy.
As parents we often insist our children share, yet we often don't do the same. When you share, it makes you feel good, it makes the other person feel good, it builds trust into a relationship and builds social connectivity, all of which is brilliant for well-being and happiness.
I encourage you to rethink sharing, not as giving something up, but in gaining a heck of a lot.
-A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at Auckland University of Technology
