Say what we mean and mean what we say

IT'S been the kind of week where even I have found it hard to find something to laugh about.

It started with the stark realisation that the trusty old Toyota's health had taken a turn for the worse. Having been fully examined by a qualified car doctor I was informed that the problem was in-operable. Her water works problem were fixable but other tests revealed that she was suffering from other conditions and even if she received treatment her life expectancy would be greatly reduced and the quality of life would suffer too.

I called a family conference and the life forms and I agreed to take her off life support. Her starter motor was turned off for the final time at 3.17pm on Tuesday. Waffle was at my side as we said our final goodbyes and as a mark of respect he cocked his leg on her right rear tyre for the last time.

She wasn't insured for death by natural causes so the funeral costs fell to me. Unable to use her lifeless body as a deposit for a new car I was somewhat comforted by the fact that she was a spare parts donor and that even after death she would give life to other ailing vehicles. Her passing would not be in vain.

The life forms were bereft, not so much at her passing but at how it impacted on their lives. No more free taxi service. How much they had taken it for granted, how much we all take things for granted. The youngest life form was due to have surgery this week but we had to postpone as on discharge he would be confined to a wheelchair and without a car there was no way his needs could be met.

There were many other little events that occurred during the week, but I shall spare you the details. Needless to say it was a week of "Sod's Law" - anything that can go wrong will go wrong. It never rains but it pours. It's either a feast or a famine.

Reciting all these sayings and old adages made me think about how often we use them and although many of them are little gems of wisdom and make perfect sense it had me thinking that just as many don't make any sense at all.

And that brings me to this week's InvestiKATion: Do we really mean what we say?

As I told you in my first column I call it like I see it. No beating about the bush for me. Who really wants to beat around a bush?

I can't say that I have any great desire to be a fly on the wall either. To me it's a death wish, sure you may get to witness some pretty crazy stuff but you run the risk of being swatted to death, poisoned by sprays and/or eaten alive by a neighbouring spider. If being nosy is your thing surely installing a hidden camera is a far better option. Much like the saying "if only the walls had ears". The first thing that springs to my mind is how bloody hard wallpapering would be.

Combine that with the saying "if only these walls could talk" and you get a feature wall of lips too.

Moving on, the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too". Why not? Who in their right mind would buy/make a cake and not have the intention of eating it? It just doesn't make sense. With my weakness for cheesecake, God help anyone who stood in my way of eating it.

One of my all-time favs is "careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water". Have you tried forcing a baby down a plug hole?

Then we have another classic: "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Well, duh! But at least give them some options. I can think of three, grenades for starters, stones are soooo last year. They could also throw parties and/or tantrums. Mix it up a bit, think outside the box. Yet I am sure you can think just as well inside the box. Don't knock it until you have tried it.

Wow, so many sayings, all used without thinking, I'm picking it's an easy way to convey what we think but why don't we just say exactly what's on our mind? If you want to hear what's going on in the room next door, do what I do, Yell out and ask them to speak up. Failing that bring out the heat lamps and bamboo shoots and torture it out of them. Better yet, employ the services of a private investiKATer and let me work my magic.

So many sayings, so little time. Time flies when you're having fun.

Some adages and sayings though are spot on and this past week has shown me that. One in particular is "in times like this you find out who your friends are".

Denise, my friend and neighbour, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Her generous offer to use her car whenever I needed to proved to be a real lifesaver and I look forward to being able to return the favour.

Now if only some kind car dealer would sponsor this unpaid, hard working solo mum and budding columnist in return for cheesecake, free use of the life forms for hard labour for life and lashings of great publicity. Then I could honestly say that I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

One last saying to leave you with: "Honesty is the best policy." If you want to say something, say it ... don't wrap it up in ribbon and bows. Speak from the heart. Not only should we say what we mean, we should also mean what we say. Keep it real peeps.

To the readers who have emailed me with comments and questions, be assured InvestiKATE is on the job and I will be in touch. As always I welcome your feed back so keep'em coming to investiKATE@gmail.com