Satisfy need to have friends with an invite

Dinner parties are a great way of finding new friends in a new location. Photo/Thinkstock

My wife and I stood in the hallway of our Karori home. It was cold and windy again. We had just returned from dropping off our daughter at her new university in Palmerston North. We looked at each other, and said: "What the heck are we doing here?"

We had nothing keeping us in Wellington, except, of course, the jobs and the money. Oh, the money.

We had lived in Wanganui before, and knew how pretty it was, and how easy it is to live in. The exchange rate was certainly a factor. We could be mortgage-free. We had moved towns before, a lot. It was time to settle down.

We sold, bought, and moved. We had forgotten one thing, however. Wellington and a host of other New Zealand cities we had lived in have very transient populations.

At a Wellington gathering, it would be unusual to meet more than one person in four who was born in Wellington. This usually means that they are easier to get to know; most of them have been strangers to the city at one time and understand the loneliness of the newcomer.

Wanganui is just the opposite. Folk in their middle ages have already formed their cliques, clubs and coteries. Unless you take action, you could be very lonely, and you may be here for a long time.

Especially considering the "exchange rate". So I will let you into the secret of what we did. We held dinner parties.

People we met at work, organisations, or just in a queue. Folk we had something in common with. It doesn't have to be expensive. One or two guest couples at a time. And don't forget the singles or the less well-off.

Here is another secret: no-one knows what you served up the last time you had people round. You can make up a simple, inexpensive menu, get good at it, and use it every time. Change it every 18 months. Never serve something you haven't cooked before. Not too posh, or they may be too embarrassed to invite you back - they may not anyway, so don't take it as a slight.

As a couple, you can each take responsibility for part of the meal. My darling does the salads or vegetables. I do the meat. We each have well-rehearsed roles as we prepare, cook, dish up, and clear away. If someone wants to contribute a dessert, let them. If they want to contribute to the drinks, just say; "bring what you like to drink".

You can make a very nice inexpensive casserole or curry out of a large chicken or a pound or two of rump steak. The trick is taste and easy to eat rather than heroically hot. Ask people when you invite them if they mind a spicy dish. Have music, but not too loud; as much as you like Led Zeppelin or even the Rolling Stones, it is not dinner music. Now, the most important secret: the fun.

Make sure you have at least one, preferably two, guests who are the life of the party - the extrovert party animals.

The sanguine personalities for whom every conversation is an opportunity to entertain. A mixture of personalities is the key to having a good time.

When you get to know them, you will find that the most unlikely people will be happy to have fish and chips on the floor around the log burner.

The company is what counts. Bon appetit!