I’m
sowing seeds of self-doubt, they’re entangling my mind this I know
I’m frightened to look at the produce, for you reap what it is that you sow
I’m weeding these seeds of self-doubt, self-abuse, self-hate and self-pity
For a garden growing plants like these is a garden that’s not at all pretty
Nicky Rennie – aged 23
I read an article online the other day that popped up on my feed.
It’s not often I read something that gets me really hot under the collar, but this did.
I was angry (no – it’s not politics, breathe a sigh of relief).
It was an article with the title “Why we think we’re more beautiful than we are after 50″. It was written by Shane Watson for The Telegraph and was directed towards women.
Upon reading it, I thought: “This bloke has a nerve to give women advice – he has no idea at all or any right to comment on what we should or shouldn’t wear or how we behave”.
Doing my due diligence before completely exploding, I wanted to see what this plonker looked like and what his background was. I figured if he could hand out advice to women, he must be God’s gift to us and that high horse of his must have firm foundations because he had it so very wrong. The nerve of him.
Well slap my thigh and call me Mildred – the author of this codswallop was a woman.
The reason I started this column with a poem I wrote when I was 23 is because, for women, it is a life-long journey to accept themselves for who they are and know that no matter what they look like they are loved.
It’s pressure we put on ourselves from a young age that we need to look a certain way, aim to look youthful and be hot (I’m picking the main aim of this is to be attractive to the opposite sex) but it would appear that Ms Watson thinks we have a shelf-life.
She has underestimated the power of females who build up other females. All of us should have it on our CV because it is something that lasts a lifetime. It’s part of our DNA and she smashed it to smithereens.
To give you a rough idea of my lack of faith in myself, how I looked or anything I had to offer at 18, this may put it in perspective.
During tertiary education, my first love and I talked about dating exclusively.
He said: “Okay, I think you and I should go out together, but if someone better comes along – I’m out”.
At what should have been the height of my youthful beauty, I said “okay”.
I would slap myself now.
On an average day on Facebook, the Algorithm Fairies bombard my page with helpful handy hints and advice about how not to look frumpy over 50, the best foundation that won’t sit in your wrinkles and, my personal favourite that I got just today, incontinence underwear.
An interesting fact you may not know is that there are more adults’ than babies’ nappies sold in the world, so I guess that was only a matter of time.
I’m grateful that I was a teenager in the ‘80s. It’s worse now for young women who are my daughter’s age (19) due to the constant pressure of social media.
It’s a living hell trying to convince your daughter that she is more than enough and that she is beautiful.
She will never believe that she is, because nothing her mother says counts, and there is always someone who is prettier or sexier than her. Welcome to life in 2024, my darling.
Ms Watson, who wrote the article, carried on to list all the phases we go through from 50 until we are 85 that are grave errors.
She included two in particular that rankled. “The Late in Life Bikini” phase and the “People Still Fancy Me” phase.
The reason I got so angry was that another female listed a whole lot of different things she considered out-of-bounds for other women. Things that I would consider a triumph.
She forgot to mention the “Do I Care What You Think?” phase, but clearly that high horse of hers doesn’t just have firm foundations, that sucker is padlocked into the core of the universe.
I feel she betrayed women on a universal level. I’d like to see her tell 78-year-old Helen Mirren not to wear her two-piece – she rocks it.
She also stated “most people between the ages 55 and 80 believe they look younger than other people their age”. I have never heard a female (friend or otherwise) utter those words.
Men think so differently, they’ll give anything a crack. They will back themselves no matter what, at any age. However, a male friend of mine who is a clinical psychologist said men are threatened by strong women who have an opinion. Considering I write in an opinion column, I’m expecting to be on the shelf for a lifetime and that doesn’t worry me in the slightest.
Think about your favourite photo right now and when you felt your most beautiful as a woman.
I can tell you that, as a mother, any photo taken with my daughter is my favourite. I did get a photo taken once by a female friend who did some basic make-up that took 20 minutes and then took me to the St Clair Beach public toilets in Dunedin to photograph me (because the light was good there).
I was 43. I got that photo back and didn’t recognise it was me in the photo.
It was good to know that I could look different and I did use it as my profile pic for a while, but I believe in transparency and my current Facebook pic is the age I am now – 52.
At the time, my 43-year-old self thought “this is as good as I’ll ever look”.
If you are lucky enough to have someone who tells you every day you are beautiful, or if you have managed to nurture yourself to actually believe it, then don’t listen to what anyone else has to say.
Wear a bikini at 85, believe you are loveable at any age and be who you are.
In complete contrast to the author who angered me, my viewpoint is that self-acceptance, happiness and authenticity are your most beguiling features. They have no age limit and are yours for the taking.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
