I'm also a huge fan of the latest craze on social media – the sped-up cooking videos. I start watching them and an hour later I find myself still engrossed and salivating and thinking "how the heck can they afford such a big cut of meat with the price of food and our current rate of inflation"? Always the realist. But I always look and attempt to get some sort of takeaway that I can use after watching (see what I did there?).
The saying goes "real men don't eat quiche". Well excuse me, but I subscribe to the opinion that a real man eats anything and will get extra points for gratitude.
I am a single mother who prides herself on the ability to cook pretty good food. I used to have a small catering business helping busy families and I guess (to coin another cooking phrase) I put a lot of stock in my skill-set and can generally pull one out of the bag or have others ask for the recipe.
The reason for writing about it is that I'm trying to work out why I have such a passionate reaction if someone won't eat my food or criticises it. To say that it raises my ire would be an understatement. That makes it sound far too nice. In reality, it makes me so angry that I want to pick up the plate and throw it against the wall. It makes me feel devastated. Why?
Always a tiger for punishment, I had a partner once who was a trained chef. "How awesome" you may think. "No cooking for Nicky" you may think – but no. Sadly, what happened is that I still did all the cooking, but what I got was constant criticism about how things could have been better. "I would have made that sauce in a pot, this needs more seasoning, your dish would have been better if ..."
He also had this really cute wee food trick (that my daughter employs too). Loads of fun for the whole family. If you are even slightly annoyed about anything that may be going on at any one time with the person cooking, what you do to prove how much power you have is to "dish out" your own punishment by not eating the meal that's been cooked. That way, a beautiful meal sits served and uneaten but, man, have they taught you a lesson. Kill me now.
Times like this I just wish I didn't care so much but, man, I do. I can't work out why I don't just eat my own bowl of I-don't-care and have a serving of cook-for-yourself-next-time pudding. I guess the icing on the proverbial cooking-issue cake for me in this relationship was that if anyone said how well I cooked, he said "yes, she is a really good home cook". Why should this annoy me too? Home cooks make the world go round. Life rises and falls on the home cooks, it's what most of us are (apparently). I guess it's just the expectation that differs.
If it makes you feel any better, most families have a three-week rotation of dishes that they cook. This is worldwide, so in Italy some snotty little bambina will complain and say "oh Mumma, why are we having spaghetti marinara again?" In India they will say "this lamb vindaloo is getting tired, can't we have butter chicken for a change?"
When I informed my girl of this fact, she was kind enough to say "well, it must be one week for you". Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Not.
If you are the person who cooks and plans all the meals in your house and you have teenage children, another nail in the food coffin is when you have all the meals either made or planned and they open the fridge and the pantry and say "there is nothing to eat in here". It would appear they expect a Dr Seuss-like arm to come out of the fridge or pantry with a fully made toasted sandwich, a delicious hamburger, a smattering of KFC or perhaps even a ready-made icecream. Perish the thought that they actually use their brain and make something themselves.
Anyone who is appreciated will always do more than is expected of them. I'm stoked – at this rate I won't have to cook for a month.
