New Cuteland sounds just like us

Now that New Zealanders have managed to trash the country's clean, green 100 per cent pure image, it is time to find a new marketing ploy. Ideally, we want to be regarded as mostly harmless, always friendly and ready to welcome visitors with open arms rather then immediately plundering their wallets.

I propose we adopt "NZ - 100 per cent Cute" as our slogan. Animals and children use cuteness as a survival mechanism in a tough world. If it works for vulnerable defenceless animals such as the kiwi, wandering penguins and endangered species such as the lone Act MP, why would it not work for a whole country?

In these tough economic times when so many nations are going bust, who would dare to downgrade the credit rating of somewhere cute?

The big internet hits always feature cute - cats flushing toilets or a dog running in circles with its head stuck in a gumboot - so getting traction and profile for NZ - 100 per cent Cute should be a doddle. We do lots of cute stuff in NZ.

We welcome overseas dignitaries with a terrifying haka then want them to hongi - how cute is that? Our primary source of income, woolly sheep and doe-eyed cows, have cuteness to the max. Our recent world ranking among the top users of marijuana makes us cute in a dopey kind of way and the "she'll be right attitude" is impractical but ruggedly cute. Any invaders would take a look at cute NZ then leave again, "cos you can't fight cute". We could negotiate the best international trade deals simply by being 100 per cent Cute.

Think of the merchandising; T-shirts saying "I have been to New Cuteland and all I got was this T-shirt made in China" and, of course, we could build a big sign saying "NZ - 100 per cent Cute" made entirely out of rusting No8 wire at the entrance to Wellington Airport.

Although the way jobs are disappearing these days visitors might find no one here and a sign out on the door saying "Gone to Australia back in five years".

Banks have been playing monopoly again with other people's money. Many of the UK and US banks got taxpayer bailouts when their intricate financial games went bust. UK bank Barclays has been playing all over the monopoly board, fixing interest rates in its favour and dealing in all sorts of dubious financial trickery.

Now it has landed on the regulators square and is having to pay huge fines ($564 million) for breaching the rules.

Barclays CEO and his henchman have resigned but may get the "Stay Out of Jail" card and draw the "Pass Go Collect Millions" as they exit the mess they have made. The cascade of financial failures and resulting worldwide recession are ample evidence that international financial institutions now hold more power over the economic fate of entire nations than governments do.

The huge sums of money being shuffled about the monopoly board of international finance can be hard to grasp. To get perspective - if time was money, a million would be a few seconds and a trillion would be 30 years.

There has been talk about the benefits of a tax on large financial transactions. The constant movement of money around the international monopoly board creates little benefit for the economies of the countries it passes through. Adding a new space on the monopoly board called "Transaction Tax" would bring in billions, which could be invested in science, health and education, allowing economies of countries such as NZ to aim for sustainability rather than chasing flash illusions of growth.

Terry Sarten lives in Whanganui and describes himself as a ruggedly cute musician, writer and social worker. Email: tgs@inspire.net.nz