I first knew that I was "different" from my peers when I became anorexic during my teen years. Heck, anorexia was barely a word back in the 80s let alone a diagnosis!
My poor family had no idea how to handle the situation, but looking back they did exceptionally well.
The poor GP at the time was none the wiser either, yet I guess there was an expectation that he was going to be. After all, he was the expert on physical health. Looking back that's a hard pill to swallow as my morbidly obese GP talked to me through a haze of cigarette smoke! Yes you heard that right! But it was the 80s and we didn't know what we didn't know. It sounds bizarre looking back, and even more bizarre is that we expected the doctor to heal a deeply psychological issue through the limited lens of a physical medical model. Predictably, his prescription simply consisted of pills. However, it must have bought some solace to my parents. Needless to say it was not good for me! But that's another story and I eventually got control of things in the end.
Fast forward 25 years later and my next significant "health" issue was depression and anxiety, a state of thinking that dominated a decade of what should have been prime fun years. The medical model was a lot more open to a more holistic approach by then, but still couldn't "cure" me in the way I needed. Thankfully, I had a personal interest in the relationship between my thoughts and my health and I was extremely philosophical. I also loved to exercise which also helped immensely. It was ultimately discovering the latest neuroscience that for me was the missing key, specifically around how to change my thinking/feeling to create the life that I pined.
It is this personal experience that continues to drive what I do, how I think, what I choose to believe, and what I choose to continue exploring professionally. I refuse to let experiences go to waste, and although some of them were extremely difficult and arduous, I learnt a lot about what worked for me and what didn't. I tried years of short term strategies throughout my depression, including countless positive affirmations, all of which were futile and it was neuroscience that showed me why. I spent years band-aiding what really was an incongruency between my conscious and subconscious minds. I was trying to change a habit with a thought when I really need to create new habits.
I have so much to be thankful for in finding the right ingredients for me, however it also took my curiosity and perseverance to break the cycle. This lived experience has gone on to inform my work (which never feels like work) and I will continue to pass on to those who express interest in how I moved through and past depression.
