Making most of precious life

Kristen Hamling Photo/File

"Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." - Dr Seuss

I KNOW a mother who recently lost her 12-year-old daughter, Abi. A beautiful and vivacious daughter with the world at her feet. Her daughter was in a car with her girlfriend, also 12-years-old, and their parents, travelling the South Island when a Dutch tourist missed a stop sign and drove into the car. Only the father survived.

What sheer agony.

I used to work as a trauma psychologist, helping people through such tragedy, but I did not have children then. Now I do and everything changes. When I learnt of this tragedy I felt it physically and emotionally. As a mother I wonder how on earth do you go on? But from my experiences I know people go on, and believe it or not, are often stronger after the experience (known as adversarial growth). I recall people saying things like "well if I can get through this then I can get through anything".

Often people do get through horrific trauma through gratitude and finding meaning after the experience.

In this way Abi's mother has honoured her daughter's memory by posing the following question in a new blog, "what do you plan to do with your one wild, precious life"?

This is a question relevant to all of us. I know the humdrum of life kicks in and we get back to taking things for granted. But I think we ought to take many interludes in our lives to consider answering this question and see if our actions measure up to our dreams.

So I ask you today, what do you plan to do with your one wild precious life? For me it is about building memories, lots and lots of precious memories, and appreciating as many moments in life as I can. At the end of our days all we really have are memories and I want to look back on my life with no regrets. I want to have loved, spent more time outdoors than in, have had lots of intimacy with my family, learnt as much as I can about everything and helped to contribute in the community where I've lived.

Nowadays I try to get the most out of my experiences by focusing on one or two things that I am grateful for in those experiences. I am also trying to take a moment in those experiences to take it all in, paying more attention to the sights, sounds, smells, how I am feeling, how family and friends are feeling. Researchers have found that the stronger emotional link to an experience the easier it can be rekindled later, which is why it is easier to remember intimate details about events such as the birth of your child or a wedding.

Research has shown that thinking of good memories for just 20 minutes a day can make people more cheerful than they were the week before, and happier than if they think of their current lives. It seems that nostalgia can be a potent mood booster. Fred Bryant (Professor of Psychology who researches nostalgia) talked about nostalgia as "a form of mental time travel, to be able to go into our past, and bring those feelings into our present." I am not at all nostalgic, but my husband is. I recognise that he appears to me to be far more content, happier and secure than I am.

As soon as something has happened in your life it immediately becomes a memory. Really, all life is a collection of memories, so what do you want yours to be? Will they measure up to how you want your one wild precious life to be? If not, then it might be time to set some new goals, get out of your comfort zone and get the most out of your one wild and precious life.

If you are stuck then this is when you ask for help, find someone you trust, a friend, teacher, mentor, or a coaching psychologist. Life is indeed short, precious and wild ... enjoy it while you can!

A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at Auckland University of Technology.