Look for joy in everyday things

Kristen Hamling

How did the "Three Good Things" homework go from last week?

You may not notice the difference just yet, but keep it up - my family has been doing it for about a month and I am starting to feel a positive difference.

To start off this week's Happiness Journey, ask yourself: "Are you a glass half full or half empty sort of person?" Some people seem to arrive in this world more optimistic than others and each of us has a happiness set-point due to our genetic make-up.

Research has shown that our genes determine 50 per cent of our happiness. Perhaps surprisingly our circumstances only determine 10 per cent (where we live, relationship status, education, employment) and a 40 per cent of happiness is attributable to our intentional activities.

To achieve gutsy happiness, we need to work at these intentional activities to get the most out of this 40 per cent.

In order to have a shot at this happiness stuff, you'll need to be aware of some main barriers to well-being.

The first is our tendency to pay more attention to the negative experiences in life (the negativity bias). You know it, negative news sells more than positive news, people react stronger to negative feedback than positive feedback and so on.

In terms of evolution, focusing on negative events and stimuli was helpful as such events were probably dangerous or harmful (cavemen didn't just pop out for a walk on a sunny day without a care in the world, as they would have probably been eaten by a sabre-tooth tiger).

But now that there are fewer threats, the negativity bias has got in the way of our happiness.

The pleasure treadmill is another barrier to happiness and well-being. Think of the last big thing that made you happy - how long did it last, days, weeks or months? It was likely not all that long.

We adapt and quickly get used to things (relationships, experiences, purchases or events). We very quickly take things for granted and revert to our happiness baseline (set-point). You see this in some celebrities who get used to fame and fortune and need to up the ante with more bizarre ways to get a kick out of life - just think of Miley Cyrus.

This week's activity is to look for joy in the everyday things that we often take for granted (sharing a laugh with someone, the beauty surrounding us in Wanganui, making someone smile). Studies show that frequent positive experiences contribute more to happiness than less frequent but intense positive experiences.

So this week try to stop throughout your day, take a deep breath and observe. Find something that you appreciate about the moment.

I read a great poem by an elderly gentlemen, I'd Pick More Daisy's. Part of it read:

"Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over I'd have more of them, in fact I'd have nothing else, just moments one after the other."

There is a lovely YouTube video that reminds us to look for the beauty around us (Gratitude: Louie Schwartzberg).

Next week, using acts of kindness to generate positive emotions in yourself and others.

A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at Auckland University of Technology.