Lice are nice for school lunches

Well Mother's Day has been and gone and sadly I am still a mother to three highly hormonal life forms, five freakish felines and one dangerously deluded dog.

Despite my many suggestions that the perfect gift would be to be child free, it appears the parasites still believe there is more life to be sucked from me yet and so my pain goes on.

My mother, the withered old crone, was sadly absent, enjoying the hospitality that Wellington Hospital had to offer for a week or so. Home again now after what I believe was a successful surgery, I hope she made the most of the room service, because on our budget it's the closest thing to a catered holiday she's ever going to get.

What a week in the headlines ... so much to comment on. First off and almost begrudgingly, hat's off to Aaron Gilmour. He played the media brilliantly and I for one think that intentionally or not he exacted his utu/revenge upon them beautifully. From the moment I saw the news headlines quoting the carefully orchestrated text messages, I knew the media would swoop in for the kill. Hovering like vultures, the so wrongly predicted fireworks, anger and vengeance. Even David Shearer fell for it, expecting a performance worthy of popcorn and soda. No wonder his ratings for preferred PM are so low. All the while Mr Gilmour got to relish yet more time in the limelight. He certainly got more than his 15 minutes of fame thanks to the media and his parting blow of no story, when we were almost promised sensational headlines, told us more about the media than it did about him.

My opinion of the man remains the same, he's an arrogant bully but credit where credit is due. He turned the tables, enabling himself to leave with a little bit of dignity restored but leaving the media looking like fools.

Back in the headlines is the issue of child poverty and food in schools.

There was also a visiting expert suggesting to us that the answer to worldwide food shortages may lie in eating more bugs and pests. I'm sure this comes as great relief to parents whose children have head lice. Surely they will sleep better at night knowing that next day they can pack Johnny off to school confident in the knowledge he can feast through the day on all the headlice his heart desires. There might even be enough to share with friends. No more struggling to pay for expensive chemist treatments. Bag 'em and sell 'em. It could be the new caviar and a turning point.

Masterchef challenges will need to be revised to include new recipes like pan-fried blue cod in a tarragon and bed bug breadcrumb or baked drunken berries topped with a crunchy cockroach crumble. Many cultures already enjoy bugs and insects in their diet. Many of which are considered to be very expensive delicacies so it will be interesting to see if we embrace the idea and if we do, how creative we will be with it. I'm pretty brave when it comes to food, I'd be prepared to give it a go for the right recipe.

As the Amanda Berry story continues to unfold I have to wonder if I am the only one who is having a little trouble believing that the kidnapper's brothers, having shared a house, had absolutely no knowledge of what was going on.

Three people being held hostage, one undergoes childbirth in the home so now we add a screaming, crying baby to the mix, a baby that has supposedly appeared out of thin air and still these two brothers have no clue that something is up. Even if some rooms were "off limits" to them, unless the soundproofing was one 100 per cent, I just don't see how it was possible. Even the extra food, formula, and nappies coming into the home would make you think.

They may have played no part in the repeated raping and torture of these women but to suggest that they had no knowledge at all just doesn't wash with me.

I'm sure we have not heard the last of this story and that all will eventually be revealed in a multi-million dollar tell all exclusive that lawyers will already be hammering out.

I could finish up by commenting on the budget but I think I will leave that to the experts. Just mention the word government and almost instantly the cost of dealing with the issues seems to goes through the roof. Perhaps a multi-million dollar inquiry is in order. But who will do it? Maybe a government tender is in order.

Well, I'm off to forage for creepy crawly forms of life to feed my life forms. As always, smile loudly and I'll catch you next week.