My husband hated the idea of me studying again. Studying would require a lot of my resources, and with a young family he wondered how it could be done.
But he understood the benefits and is now my biggest supporter. He shares my vision and believes in what I am doing, which helps him cope with the extra baggage and lonely nights on the couch.
Involve your children
My children are far more tolerant of me disappearing into my study cave when they know what I am doing and why I am doing it.
By including my family as much as possible in my studies, they feel included. They support me and give me encouragement.
Model a growth mindset to your children
Recently some work for my PhD was returned to me. I thought I'd nailed it but clearly not. Red comments covered the pages - it looked as though my work had been murdered.
Believing there was a lesson to learn, I told my 7-year-old son that my "teachers" didn't like my work and that I was upset.
Bless him, he asked: "If we send your teacher my favourite blue angry bird, do you think they will like your work then?"
Incredibly, it did - I emailed the reworked document with a photo of Joshua extending out his blue angry bird as an offering. My work was accepted.
In hindsight, this is not the sort of lesson I wanted to teach my child, bribe your way through a PhD with blue angry birds.
Rather, I want to use my studies to show my children that "nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm" (Ralph Waldo Emerson) and hard work.
I want them to learn that practice, effort and hard work often lead to greater success (growth mindset) than raw intelligence, talent, ability and angry birds (fixed mindset).
I want them to learn that there is no such thing as failure, only opportunity for growth and learning.
And there is incredible growth and strength to be gained in overcoming setbacks and disappointment. Inner strength is often cultivated by overcoming things that don't go your way.
When my children hit a setback in their life, I want their thoughts to be: "what can I do to improve this situation?" versus "this is all too hard, I give up".
Chores are now a whole family affair
My children had a good life before I studied. I did all of the chores, baking and cooking while they swanned about.
The honeymoon is over!
I have convinced my children that chores are fun. Instead of pass the parcel, it's pass the dishes, throw the socks into the washing machine and peel the potatoes.
If we want to go out for ice cream, then they have to work for it. A tidy bedroom gets you one scoop; a tidy family room gets you two scoops.
My kids now help out loads more around the house and sometimes they even enjoy it.
"The key is not to prioritise what's on your schedule but to schedule your priorities" (Steven Covey)
Each day brings with it new opportunities, a breath of fresh air, hope and renewed vigour - and exactly 12 hours to get as many things done as is humanly possible.
In order to be efficient with my time, I use Steven Covey's (author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) formula.
This tool helps me to reduce distractions and wander off into the gratifying but often wasteful world of Facebook (damn you, Mark Zuckerberg).
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
I am sure that Friedrich Nietzsche intended this statement for working/studying parents of young children.
Good luck with the studies - oh, and the cooking, soccer coaching, play dates, school holidays ...
A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in wellbeing at Auckland University of Technology.
