Kate Stewart
A week on from the great flood and the only thing we can be sure of, is that it rained.
But what did it rain and why? Who/what, if anything, was to blame? Theories abound.
The finger pointing has begun.
I decided to do some investigating of my own. I headed out to survey the scene on Sunday and ingeniously disguised myself as a 'rubbernecker', needless to say, I blended in effortlessly.
In full-on Sherlock Holmes Mode I scoured the ground underfoot, looking for clues.
Although disappointing in some ways, the lack of bodies confirmed to me that it had not been raining men and the absence of civil disorder/rioting proved it hadn't been raining money, also a bit of a disappointment.
The ground, however, was certainly wet. My finely tuned investigative instincts were telling me it had to be a liquid of some sort. Based solely on aroma I could quickly eliminate coffee, wine and Chanel #5. By colour, I was then able take blood, tomato sauce and black Sambucca out of the equation. It became clear that scientific analysis would be necessary to get a definitive answer but at this stage I am prepared to go out on a limb and make an educated guess based on the facts. My belief is, it was raining tears and the origin of those tears was TV3.
The ratings were in and with the exception of NCIS it appeared that TV3 did not rate at all. The figures were embarrassingly low.
Now infamous for force feeding us with bad taste reality shows, TV3 and Julie Christie in particular, have consistently taken successful global franchises and completely butchered them, so much so that their attempts have made us a laughing stock, worthy of worldwide news headlines.
Speaking of news, the demise of Campbell Live has most certainly contributed to the ratings drop. One they now hope to repair with their latest brain child/fart (delete which is not applicable) Story . What are the chances of a happy ending?
Just like the breakfast news show with Paul Henry, I'm fairly confident it will be heavy on pay packet but light on actual news and subsequently even lighter on ratings. A test pattern would probably draw a bigger audience. Paul Henry's ratings are so low that they barely register. How his obscene salary can be justified is just beyond me.
If Seven Sharp is anything to go by it will be another case of the dominant male in the starring role with the token pretty face, carefully placed to stroke an already over-inflated ego.
It's so nauseating that both TV One and TV3 should consider mailing viewers complimentary 'barf bags'. And I thought nothing could be more unappetising than Come Dine with Me.
Instead of producing reality, poorly I might add, Julie Christie needs to get a grip on reality and quit while she's behind and Mark Jennings needs to spot the gaping great gap in the market for a news/current affairs programme of real substance before Media Works become Media Jerks. They can't even arrange a successful covert meeting with Heather Du Plessis Allan without it turning into a public farce so what hope does the news have?
On the bright side though, Wanganui WILL weather the storm. I'm not so sure the same can be said for TV3, however.
-Kate Stewart is a politically incorrect columnist of no repute. She does welcome your feedback - investik8@gmail.com
Comment: Life gets put in perspective when you spend time in hospital.