Fast forward to the present and . . . oh my, how things have changed.
Yes, despite global warming, snowflakes are everywhere in the world — and more ominous than that, these delicate, isolated, real-world-disconnected "things" have ironically connected on social media and are now clustering together to form snowballs of epic proportions.
I am, of course, referring to Generation Snowflake, those precious little, tiny-minded, self-entitled, politically over-correct darlings that, heaven help us all, are our future.
Snowflakes so flaky that they will post about the importance of being gender neutral just before they head off to a trendy baby gender reveal party.
Snowflakes so sensitive and easily offended that a university in England has banned the use of capital letters in the classroom.
Apparently, it's emotionally traumatising for them as they associate capital letters with "shouting" when used in texts and online.
Honestly, you couldn't make this sh*t up.
There's even a Snowflake test doing the rounds. A pre-employment quiz designed to weed out these hyper-delicate creatures and save you the trouble of having to deal with their outrageous expectations.
So what should you do when/if you encounter a Snowflake?
Avoid eye contact ... a blink will be misconstrued as a wink, you'll be labelled a perv, given a hashtag and life as you know it will pretty much be over.
Never speak to them. Everything you say will offend them, be taken out of context and in all likelihood secretly recorded and swiftly uploaded, to shame you.
Always maintain a safe distance. Crossing into their personal space, which is naturally twice as big as anyone else's, will only result in false allegations of inappropriate behaviour.
Don't be lulled into a false sense of security, assuming you can manage just one Flake.
Once they reach out to their online contacts, that one lone Flake will soon become a big bitter ball of ice crystals, aimed straight at your face, or an avalanche of anger and indignation, designed to bury you.
Both very painful prospects by anyone's standards.
My best advice is to avoid them at all costs and pray for the swift extinction of this humanitarian disaster.
Unlike the original snowflake, which is natural and weather-related, Generation Snowflake is sadly a man-made crisis and as many of us have contributed to its being we must do what they never will — take responsibility for our actions.
The way I see it, we have two choices.
We can come out with our flaming torches and melt the little buggers (tempting but not practical or legal, dammit) or take the time to gather them all up, encasing them in a giant glass dome where they can live out their wildly deluded days with other like-minded losers #snowglobe
Enough is enough — this generation has altered the way we all live. They dictate, fixate and dominate - aka bullying (disguised as social justice).
If we don't do something soon, one can only imagine what the next generation will be like. It almost doesn't bear thinking about.
Feedback — flaky or otherwise —is welcome at investik8@gmail.com
