Kate Stewart: Diary of a Social Butterfly

ANTI-SOCIAL: Self service checkouts are a recent technological advancement that has cut out human interaction. PHOTO/FILE

MONDAY

Woke up to the sound of birds chirping. To be honest, I much prefer tweeting. The laptop screen is the only light in the room and is my bedfellow of choice. It makes me feel so connected and alive. A friend is almost always online somewhere in the world even if they are the type who will steal your Melbourne Cup winnings from you.

Actual human interaction (AHI): Zilch, Nada, Zippo, None, though my imaginary friend may beg to differ.

TUESDAY

Frantic day. Spent most of it online. Blogging about Twitter, tweeting about Facebook and emailing about Instagram. Uploaded some new selfies and waited for the likes to come rolling in. No dates so far this week, must edit my Tinder profile. Maybe I should take 3-4 years off my age and add them in inches to my bust measurement. Everyone's doing it. AHI: I waved at the postie from the kitchen window, does that count?

Updated my status and posted several pics of my breasts, thighs and buns to a foodie website and included the recipe on my food blog, Tongue and Cheek...

WEDNESDAY

Hectic day, out and about. Took a while for my eyes to adjust to the glare of real daylight. Stopped for petrol, paid at the pump. Went to the library and tried out the self-checkout. Hassle free and no waiting in line. Love it. Went grocery shopping, place was a madhouse. Picked up what I needed and got the hell out of there. Stopped at the bank and used the automated teller to make a deposit. The queue beyond the foyer was ridiculous. If I had bought a picnic basket I could have waited it out but my body was craving the comforting glow of a computer screen. My cell phone battery was low and the twittersphere and my followers are dependent on me.

Spent the night with friends online. AHI: Not sure it qualifies but I did talk back to the computerised express teller at the supermarket. It chastised me for leaving things in the bagging area then it went on to try and hurry me out of there. I half expected it to send me to the naughty corner for five minutes.

THURSDAY

White lies work .. my new Tinder profile has netted me loads of fish. Spent most of the day trying to spot the sharks and bottom feeders. If I can lie, it stands to reason that they can too. Hard to make a call without actually meeting them in person. AHI: I had a phone call about my internet security but their English was so bad I could barely understand them, so I hung up.

FRIDAY

Just realised that I have gone five days without barely speaking a word to an actual live human being. Even the day spent out and about surrounded my literally hundreds of people. A busy forecourt, a bustling supermarket, a crowded library and jam packed bank and yet I was able to complete all my tasks without having to verbally engage with anyone. Is that an accomplishment or am I the world's saddest person?

Technology sure has come a long way but in moving forward with the times I can't help but wonder if we have taken several steps backwards when it comes to social interaction. Maybe I should Vlog about it or maybe I just need to get out more and re-engage with real people in the real world.

This social butterfly seems to have spun herself back into a cocoon of social isolation. It's like a modern day version of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Scary as hell and it gives new meaning to the idea of a Podcast.

-Kate Stewart is a politically incorrect columnist who does not suffer fools gladly but does suffer from the occasional bout of hayfever.

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