This almost ritualistic commotion lets Clone the Elder know that I have undergone the re-animation process and from the depths of his darkened cavern comes a programmed response that took me years of training ... "Coffee?"
We both know it's a dumb question, but he religiously waits for an answer before I hear him stomping out to the kitchen. To a coffee lover like me, this seemingly small gesture helps me justify his existence despite him not being an otherwise economically viable option.
With hot brew in hand and the pets already repositioned on the bed, I take hold of Lappy and click on Favourites - Trade Me first, then Seek - hoping to see some new job listings while scrolling through the same old posts that have been there for weeks.
Many have expired. Lazy employers?
Like the ones who assure you they will get back to you and never do. It's the height of rudeness and I've seen it multiple times with my eldest life form. He takes time to pro-actively seek work, dropping his CV in to many businesses and filling in a plethora of online applications, then waiting and hoping, praying for a call.
How hard is it these days, with the available technology, to fire off an automated email or text that says, "Thanks, but no thanks"?
For those of you out there who make these flippant remarks like, "We'll be in touch" - heads up, people, just as you, the employer, judges the potential employee, we are judging you and your actions, or lack of them, tell their own story. Who wants to work for an unreliable liar who can't even be bothered to follow through on what he or she says he or she will do?
The job search continues. I check my email for various alerts I signed up to. It's a time-consuming process.
I apply for what I can, each time modifying my CV so it is better tailored to the position. I thoughtfully and carefully write letters of application, before adding attachments and pressing Send.
The coffee drinking continues as I peruse the papers for vacancies as well as what's making news. Lately there's been the ongoing saga of TV and radio hosts Paul Henry and Mike Hosking and the upcoming head-to-head battle for the breakfast audience. Such cruel irony.
Two overinflated, overpaid egos with multiple jobs - not out of necessity, but out of greed. The media, which relentlessly ram down our throats the dire employment statistics, are the very field most guilty of hiring one personality in two - or even three - lucratively paid positions.
Just about all the networks' news readers also host a radio show and make money from personal appearances, voicing television adverts, writing columns and the like.
Any one of these positions would be a more than liveable income for most people. You'd think they would do their bit to promote the employment of new, up-and-coming talent, but no, let's just make the rich richer by paying ridiculous sums of money to people who already earn ridiculous sums of money.
Seven Sharp is a shining example. The wage bill for that 22 minutes of programming must be bordering on obscene and for what? I can't even imagine what outrageous pay demands are being met to vie for viewers in the proposed morning match-up.
That money would be better employed employing many. Three people at least at are vacating their positions to make way for one Paul Henry.
Did they learn nothing from Paul Holmes and his move to Prime, where he so arrogantly believed his viewers would jump ship just for him? Instead it was he who needed the lifeboat as he sailed off in to relative obscurity in TV land, but thankfully he was buoyed rather comfortably by his radio slot, then eventually thrown another lifeline by TV1, at a somewhat reduced rate; proving these people aren't always worth what they think they are.
Job hoggers, the lot of them. Some will say it's sour grapes on my part and maybe there's a hint of truth in that but when so many people are genuinely doing all they can to find just one job, even part-time, it's hard to ignore those who have an abundance of them, especially when most of them are in your face and your ear, every day, reminding you just how dismal your own prospects of employment are.
If you know of any prospects please feel free to email me Investik8@gmail.com
Kate Stewart is an unemployed, reluctant mother of three, currently running amok in the city ... and looking for a job.
