Humility is a trait possessed by some

OVER THE past few years I have pondered the concept of humility.

I have wondered why some people remain genuinely and honourably humble, irrespective of their success.

For instance, I would consider Eric Dorfman (director of the Whanganui Regional Museum) to be one of the most accomplished, erudite and high calibre individuals that I have ever met. Yet, he remains utterly and completely humble, which is why he is going to be super embarrassed when he reads this. However, I make no apologies in recognising Eric in this way, he deserves all the accolades in the world.

History is dotted with truly remarkable people, who probably deserve to be a bit hoity toity about their accomplishments, yet somehow they remain truly humble. The paragon of humility is probably Nelson Mandela.

I consider humility to be a great virtue that seems to becoming antiquated in our society today. In the world of social media unless you have an online presence, sprouting off all your opinions and how good you are, then you sort of get left behind. Increasingly, more people want to stand out from the crowd and get noticed, it doesn't bode well for humility.

So what exactly is humility? I read recently "humility is not thinking less of yourself; it's thinking less about yourself". I think this captures the true essence of humility, and perhaps why I admire humble people so much.

Those who are humble tend to be more interested in other people than they are in themselves. There is no arrogance in humility; in fact the two are always in opposition. Whilst arrogance lends itself to self-promotion, humble people don't need to spruik their achievements. They are self-confident, have an accurate self-assessment and keep their accomplishments in perspective.

Humble people have a growth mindset ("I can always learn and grow"), which is perhaps why they can admit their mistakes. I think that it takes humility to recognise your mistakes and to apologise.

Humble people don't have a problem with owning their shortcomings, as they understand no one is perfect.

Probably my most favourite and admirable trait of the humble person is their capacity to listen. I know when I am with a humble person they make me feel important rather than the other way around.

Although I adore listening to other people and their stories, I know that I don't shut up long enough for them to speak. I think I am humble in some regards (eg, I don't think that I am better than anyone else and I absolutely own my mistakes) but I doubt that behaviour is entirely reflective of character strength.

Luckily I have a growth mindset, which means that I believe I can always get better at something. I will follow the advice of researchers (www.viacharacter.org) and try the following three tips for boosting humility over the next few months.

1. "Resist showing off accomplishments ... and notice the changes in your interpersonal relationships". Okay, I can do that.

2. "Notice if you speak more than others in a group situation". Sigh, yes.

3. "Admit your mistakes and apologise even to those who are younger than you." I absolutely can do this.

Awesome ... feeling more humble just for writing this article.

A registered psychologist with a Masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in wellbeing at Auckland University of Technology.