Dolly Parton taught Shelley Loader the world is not a just place.
I remember the exact moment I discovered that the world is not a just place. It affected me profoundly.
I was sitting in the car waiting for my mum.
Coat of Many Colors was playing on the radio.
I listened to Dolly Parton sing about her mother sewing rags together to make a coat to keep her warm, only to be made fun of at school for being poor.
Wait, what?
Were there people so poor they had to make coats out of rags?
Were there people who would judge someone for no reason other than what they wore?
I couldn’t believe this.
Surely if they understood Dolly’s mum did the best she could, and Dolly felt rich for the coat her mother so lovingly made her, they shouldn’t tease her?
I was way too young to worry about how unfair this was, but I couldn’t let it go.
It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me that I chose to study psychology and sociology. I’ve always been the pink sheep.
As I discovered at university, I am an INFJ personality type, aptly named The Advocate.
I have an abundance of empathy, I am idealistic and see potential, I view everyone as equals, and I value transparency, loyalty and authenticity.
I also like harmony, so I tend to want to fix things.
Problems, conflict, social injustice.
I am an overthinker and can be self-critical.
While I rarely judge others, I can be sensitive to criticism myself.
Don’t people see I’m already aware of my faults and I put way more pressure on myself than they ever could?
I have a propensity for perfectionism, people-pleasing, and taking on other people’s emotions and the weight of the world.
It can lead me to feel overwhelmed, anxious and burnt out.
I struggle when people dismiss my feelings and perspective when I am so willing to consider theirs.
If I internalise this, it can lead me to feel unworthy.
I work hard to set healthy boundaries and protect my own wellbeing.
Sometimes I am reminded the hard way.
I am a work in progress, but I strive to learn from mistakes and become a better version of myself every day.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator categorises 16 personality types which help us understand our strengths, weaknesses and communication styles.
An understanding of these can help us facilitate personal growth and interpersonal relationships.
It takes all personality types to make the world go around. We all have strengths to contribute, and it is the diverse combination of our unique personalities and strengths that make our communities thrive.
We also all have weaknesses and unhealthy behaviours that we must be aware of and work on for our own wellbeing, and so we don’t impact negatively on those around us.
This is what personal accountability looks like.
Our personalities play a big part in shaping our attitudes, behaviour and interactions, which in turn contribute to social issues.
Self-awareness of our personality traits and unhealthy tendencies can help us mitigate negative impacts.
Practising empathy and active listening can help us understand different perspectives and avoid perpetuating harm.
Embracing diverse perspectives and personalities can help us identify our potential biases and areas for growth.
INFJs tend towards careers in helping professions so it’s no surprise I feel so at home at Community House Whanganui and working in not-for-profit.
I love meaningfully connecting with and helping people, and I value the supportive inclusive environment.
Working in the community sector we are often working on the fringes of opposing societal belief systems.
It can be a lonely place.
In supporting and advocating for vulnerable and disadvantaged people we often find ourselves up against the same barriers and inequities they experience.
We are at the bottom of the food chain, totally reliant on balancing fixed-term contracts, contestable funding, and community goodwill.
Pay rates are comparatively low when compared to the private sector, and we rely heavily on volunteers who don’t get paid at all.
Like many in our community, we operate on a shoestring, often not knowing from one moment to the next how we are going to get by.
Like many in our community we put so much energy into just existing and surviving, we rarely get the opportunity to reach our potential and thrive.
Our work is emotionally demanding.
Managing limited resources and dealing with complex social issues is stressful.
We often don’t have the same access to supervision and support as the private sector.
The scope of our work, the realities we face, the sacrifices we make, and the impact we have on our communities are often under-appreciated.
We are not always able to achieve the results we want for, or the expectations of, those we support.
We carry the weight of that at times.
These challenges enable us to identify with the people and communities we support.
We are best placed to foster authentic relationships, understand issues, and provide meaningful support.
We all face challenges, some of us more than others. And we all deserve support while we navigate those challenges, no matter what our place in the world.
Supporting people and our community isn’t about supporting harm – harm from any position or perspective.
It’s recognising that we all contribute to social issues and positive change comes with collective understanding, empathy and collaborative solutions.
Spectacular transformation of rundown property.