Williams said violence towards women was due to a complex mixture of factors.
He said an absence of male role models, ongoing issues with alcohol and drug addictions and the heavy burden of shame were contributors to family violence.
“There’s a lot of shame in some of our men that they’ve tried to suppress,” Williams said.
“Something either’s happened to them, or they’ve harmed others and they’ve felt shame about it and so they go into isolation.
“Every man wants to be a good father and husband.”
Voice said New Zealand’s housing crisis and the high cost of living were continuing to impact family violence and made it difficult for women to escape harmful relationships.
“The housing crisis leaves women in situations where they feel like they have nowhere else to go, and it also means families are under a lot of pressure, with some households living with several generations.
“If you are financially dependent on your abuser, even trying to think your way through how you can liberate yourself and provide for yourself and your children is a big hurdle to overcome.”
Williams has also seen first-hand how men might struggle to reach out when they are unable to control their anger due to a sense of pride.
“A lot of our men know they need help, but they don’t take action.
“Pride is a big killer for that.”
Becoming disconnected with cultural identity could also contribute to a damaging relationship with whānau, he said.
“A lot of men who have been incarcerated and who come out, they want to connect with their people.
“When they mature and they know they have to change, you find a lot of them want to connect with their cultural identity.”
Williams said having a positive male role model could greatly help to break intergenerational trauma and repetitive cycles of family violence.
“Even though some men can grow up fatherless, if there’s a next-door neighbour who’s a really good role model and takes that boy under his wing ... A young boy can grow up into anything you want them to be.”
Voice said White Ribbon Day was an important day in Women’s Refuge Whanganui calendar because it allowed them to stand with men who were against violence towards women.
“That’s a really powerful moment in time to be a part of, and it’s reassuring for us.”
Warning signs of family violence or an abusive relationship
Voice said someone withdrawing from family activities and losing interest in things that previously brought them joy can be a sign of abuse.
“It can look like not being able to go to work anymore or participating in hobbies because of the emotional load of trying to maintain a challenging relationship.”
Changes in financial situations such as accumulating debt or transferring debt into their name on behalf of a partner could also be a warning sign, Voice said.
“They might lie to protect the relationship and to protect themselves from questions that are really hard to answer.”
There could also be changes in emotional or mental health, such as increased anxiety or depression: “It doesn’t mean that it absolutely is family violence, but it could be.
“People might start asking questions like ‘what would you do if ... ’ or asking questions on behalf of a friend about family violence,” Voice said.
“It’s important if someone is worried about someone to find the courage to ask them, or they can also call us [Women’s Refuge] and we can talk them through things.”
Voice said for anyone with concerns, Women’s Refuge Whanganui was always available to reach out to.
“We’re happy to talk to mums, sisters, aunties or friends if they’ve got worries.”
FAMILY VIOLENCE
How to get help: If you’re in danger now:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don’t stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information or to find out about donating to other organisations::
• Women’s Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It’s Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women.
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Eva de Jong is a reporter for the Whanganui Chronicle covering health stories and general news. She began as a reporter in 2023.
