THE teenage years are a key time in our children's lives and there is potential to get some things wrong and make life a bit harder for everyone involved.
It's the same when we are parenting young children, so getting advice and support from parents and professionals who have travelled the journey before us is always a good thing to do.
Earlier this week, we hosted Shelley Davidow, author of Raising Stress-Proof Kids. Shelley talked about when children feel happy, their heart rhythms tend to become more ordered. Ordered heart rhythms affect brain function and improve it.
So, positive emotional states in our kids lead to enhanced brain function.
We learned that, as parents, we can help our kids stay positive and stress free by how we behave. We can put them at an advantage by making sure they have lots of love, understanding, firm boundaries and joy.
With the end of the school year getting closer, this week we're looking at strategies to support our teenagers through to the final days. As schooling is an important part of growing up, make sure you don't put your teenagers under too much stress.
When your child goes to secondary school, it's easy to lose touch with what's going on. It's important that you stay involved. Here are a few reminders about what's important:
+Set expectations: Expect your child to do well. Talk about the choices they'll have when they leave school.
+Don't overload on activities: Having too many activities after school can make keeping up with homework hard.
+Encourage their strengths: Notice the subjects your child enjoys and does well in. Encourage them, rather than making them do something you were good at, or that you think they should do to get a good job. Some kids give up on school because of pressure on them from their parents.
+Sports should be fun: Treat sport as a game and don't be upset or angry if they aren't in the top team.
+Reward hard work: Praise them for working hard, not just for being top of the class. Most young people will never be top, but they'll still do well. Make sure your ambitions are for them, not for you.
+Be actively involved: Talk to their teachers. If you're concerned, contact the form teacher or dean. Find out what's going on. If it's hard to go to the school on your own, take a friend to support you.
+Time for homework: Give them space and time to do their homework. If they ask you questions, try to help, or try to find out someone else who can. If they're getting stressed about the amount of work, talk to the school.
+Unhappy at school: Find out why. It might not be school, it might be a problem with a friend or a clash with a teacher.
+Build systems: If they get vague and disorganised, teach them systems and how to organise their time. Give them a diary, help them write lists.
As Shelley said, "Kids who are distressed about school, or friends, or upcoming tests or what to wear, need loving support. Regardless of the issue, if we as parents maintain a calm demeanour, and focus on the state of our own hearts, we're actually encouraging optimum brain function in our children. In our never-ending quest to do what's best for them, we sometimes forget the essentials; what happens in our children's heart influences the brain's electrical activity. Feeling happy and loved and unstressed makes children smarter. Imagine that."
- For more tips and strategies, the Ideas for Parenting with Teenagers booklets are a free SKIP resource, contact Liza and Lynette at SKIP Whanganui for a set. Ph/text 027 626 1404 or email skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz