KRISTEN HAMLING stock head and shoulds
I ALWAYS thought that one aspect of ageing was a natural progression of self-development and self-improvement.
My belief was that with ageing came the instinctive tendency to want to grow as a person, not succumbing to the default setting of one's genes.
With ageing came wisdom, curiosity and a love of learning, and all of this meant that with age one became less judgmental and less critical of others.
In life some people seem to reach these milestones way before others. So I wonder why the difference.
To me a big part of "growing up" versus "growing old" is having a growth-versus-a-fixed mindset. People with a growth mindset believe their talents, abilities and intelligence are not fixed but can be cultivated throughout their life.
People like that don't seem to accept bad or mediocre situations. Nor do they tolerate the status quo. They seek out new experiences; treat life as a journey of self-development and continual improvement where skills, talents, intelligence can all be developed.
Nothing is fixed. They read books, attend courses, seek coaching or gain advice from trusted friends to make improvements. Someone with a growth mindset tends to believe that with practice, effort and work most situations can be improved.
On the other hand, people with a fixed mindset tend to believe they are born the way they are and there is nothing they can do to change. To them intelligence, personality and abilities are all fixed.
I think that this means people with a fixed mindset will accept the status quo, either avoiding or accepting bad situations as they are. I hear this as, "Well I know it's bad but what can I do about it?"
The advantage of a growth mindset is that it can change you as a person, through rewiring your brain and possibly changing the way your genes work. There are hundreds of scientific studies that show how thoughts of appreciation, acts of kindness, and destressing meditation can positively affect the expression of DNA strands.
It is known as epigenetics and it is a fascinating new science, essentially showing that our lifestyle, environment, disease can influence a small part of our DNA.
Growing up I always wanted to disown some of my genes, starting with the short-tempered gene. I reckon my hubby would agree here, but I am a very different person now from the person he first dated.
He would quickly recount a story of me going from 0 to 100 in dramatic fury because he didn't have a blender for me to finish off my pumpkin soup. Thanks, Dad, for the short-tempered gene.
Forever thankful for my choice at becoming a psychologist, I have worked hard and used all my training to become a much calmer and even-tempered person.
I think a growth mindset allows you to take control and have a greater command of your life so you don't remain a slave to your genes. You make choices about how you want to live your life and what type of person you want to be.
It can be bloody hard work to take a stand against your genes, but when you do the rewards are vast and impressive.
Most of us are very different from our younger selves, some more than others. Maybe believing you can change is the impetus for actually doing so. If you are interested in growth mindsets then check out Carol Dwerk's book Mindset or watch her TED video.
-A registered psychologist with a Masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother of two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in well-being at Auckland University of Technology.