NZME’s Great Minds project will examine the state of our nation’s mental health and explore the growing impact mental health and anxiety has on Kiwis while searching for ways to improve it. Video / NZ Herald
Great Minds is a major NZME project exploring the growing impact of mental health and anxiety on Kiwis and how we can improve our wellbeing.
Whanganui District councillor Josh Chandulal-Mackay writes about how he found mental clarity following a severe depressive episode.
"Josh, you're drifting", "we're worried about your drinking", "Josh, you're shaking, please eat better", "you have to get out of bed."
If you'd asked me in early 2021 who I thought was least likely to become afflicted with a mental illness, I'd have answered 'myself' without hesitation.
Yet towards the end of last year, I'd wound up in the midst of a depressive episode so severe that, as represented by the quotes above, I'd become almost completely incapable of functioning.
I'd found myself here due to myriad stressors stacking up like a dodgy Jenga block tower, waiting for one small block to come loose and sending the entire structure tumbling down.
It's only now, with the benefit of hindsight and mental clarity, that I can see how the lifestyle I'd constructed for myself was unsustainable, and that over the last few years I'd been steadily heading towards a breakdown.
Ultimately the catalyst came in the form of a relationship breakup, taking on a new part-time job without recognising that something else needed to give, the sale of my much-loved family home, lack of mental rest over several years, and spreading myself too thin across too many voluntary roles.
By January I had lost 8kg, I was getting out of bed between 5 and 6pm regularly, I was experiencing panic attacks, muscle shakes and spasms, and turned to alcohol as a crutch.
Whanganui District councillor Josh Chandulal-Mackay says we need to remember the brain is the most complex organ in the human body. Photo / NZME
Most worryingly, I had lost the mental capacity to undertake my role as a Whanganui District councillor and to conduct my other governance roles.
I sat in multiple council meetings being unable to digest officer reports or form opinions, and what little opinion I was able to form I certainly couldn't articulate.
It was at this point, after tripling my dose of antidepressants with little effect, that I decided I needed to do something more radical in order to recover.
I decided to take a complete break from everything and deleted social media for a six week period, temporarily stepped back from my voluntary governance positions, resigned from my part-time employment, and requested a three-month leave-of-absence from the council and the DHB.
I bought a van and decided that for the next three months, I would travel the length of the country.
It has proved to be the most liberating experience of my life. There's nothing quite like waking up in a van on the West Coast of Te Waipounamu on a crisp autumn morning, with a canopy of rata and other native flora and fauna standing guard over you, and the sun peaking over the eastern horizon, lighting up the speckles of dew resting against the windowpanes.
Being able to pull myself into the driver's seat of the van and think "right, where am I heading today" has done my mental health absolute wonders, as has the opportunity to catch up with friends and family up and down the country.
It has also been an immersive cultural experience. Alongside the two days I spent at Waitangi, one of the highlights will always be visiting Te Rerenga Wairua, the northernmost point of Aotearoa.
Whanganui District councillor Josh Chandulal-Mackay says he wound up in a depressive episode so severe he became almost completely incapable of functioning. Photo / NZME
Completely alone, I was able to watch the slow-motion tumble and churn of the water as the tides from the Tasman Sea and the Pacific Ocean collided just beyond the point where, according to Te Ao Māori, the spirits of the dead depart Aotearoa to journey to their ancestral home of Hawaiki.
This time away has given me an opportunity to reflect and to make tangible changes.
I'm now far more conscious of allowing myself time away from social media and disengaging from council for short periods on a regular basis.
I've made the decision to step back from three voluntary governance boards and consolidate my focus so that I can give more energy to fewer organisations without risking burnout.
But I do worry. Over the last six months, I've spent nearly $1000 on private counselling and prescription costs.
There was a time when seeing my counsellor was the only thing I looked forward to and I used to dread the hour-long session coming to an end.
I'm fortunate to have been able to take three months off and to buy a van in order to travel, and of course to have financial security while I did it.
I'm conscious that privilege enabled my recovery and that I had a large network of friends, family and colleagues to provide support and companionship.
I worry that New Zealand's mental health system remains archaic and ill-equipped to protect people in less fortunate circumstances, without the financial means to access the vital tools they need for recovery.
As I 'begin' 2022, I do so with a level of mental clarity and contentment that I haven't experienced in a good few years.
Ultimately we all need to remember that the brain is the most complex organ in the human body.
For a sore knee, we get a knee brace, for a headache we take pain killers, and for asthma, we use an inhaler.
Likewise, we should treat mental illness like any other medical condition and normalise conversations about our experiences, so that those who suffer in silence feel confident and supported in seeking help when they need it most.
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
For counselling and support
• Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) • Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) • Need to talk? Call or text 1737 • Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 • For children and young people • Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234 • What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm) • The Lowdown: Text 5626 or webchat
For help with specific issues • Alcohol and Drug Helpline: Call 0800 787 797 • Anxiety Helpline: Call 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY) • OutLine: Call 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) (6pm-9pm) • Safe to talk (sexual harm): Call 0800 044 334 or text 4334
All services are free and available 24/7 unless otherwise specified.
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service.
