God, it must be fun being God, relieving the tedium with these imaginative antics. Should he ever need a break from Godding, he can zap me up to carry on the good work. I'd be in heaven, figuratively and literally, dealing out further humiliations to these praying imposters in drag.
Not to be outdone by his Roman rivals, the Archbishop of Canterbury then weighed in, confessing to his life-long practice of talking to bees. He'll get the same response from them as from praying.
All of this mediaeval witchdoctory contrasted sharply against another news item, namely Nasa's space probe measuring a change of speed by one 20th of a million a metre per second, when passing through the gravitation field of a Saturn moon - an astonishing scientific detection but, alas, no sighting of an old bearded bloke in a nightie wafting about was reported.
I continued reading and was elated by the next item. This recounted 76-year-old Nevada rancher Clive Bundy, a role model for the rabid American right, with the wisdom of age, proposing the reintroduction of slavery.
That's certainly worth considering. Bundy's target is American negroes whose idleness he had observed when driving past a public housing project.
"I've often wondered," he mused, "are negroes better off as slaves, picking cotton, having a family life and doing things, or are they better under government subsidy?" A damn good point, Clive, readers are doubtless thinking, mindful of the contribution slaves have made, be it Aesop, the building of the pyramids and much more.
Slavery has been part of every society throughout history and still exists in parts of the world. Clive would take heart from the youthful Haile Selassie's experience following his enthusiasm to modernise then Abyssinia, this gloriously parodied in Evelyn Waugh's novel Black Mischief.
Abyssinia, now Ethiopia, comprised different tribal groups, some in a remote northern region beyond the reach of government. When the emperor decreed slavery abolished, one tribe, whose social structure comprised inter-dependence with slaves, understandably ignored this. So the army intervened and the slaves were ejected from their respective households, the soldiers remaining to uphold the new order.
But they were forced to abandon their busybody intrusion as the slaves now loitered, weeping helplessly outside their former masters' homes, while the slave-owners, having no idea how to cook, let alone make their beds, meant both complementary factions began to starve. So the former tidy arrangement was restored to everyone's satisfaction.
Here's the point. As far back as Aristotle, who argued that all employees are defacto slaves - an observation also made by Ishmael in Moby Dick, outlining his servitude on the Pequod - most people have been at least partial slaves, evidenced by the colloquialism "wage-slave".
Sensitivity to that was certainly my youthful motive, namely to be self-employed, answerable to no one and doing I cared not what, something increasing numbers of today's young now target.
I suspect numerous housewives, particularly in lower income families, privately harbour resentment at being virtual slaves to their families. As women's lib pioneer Betty Friedan wrote about suburban housewives struggling with family demands: "They must lie in bed at night and wonder is this all?"
Nevertheless, the evidence suggests many folk actually prefer the certainties of self-imposed servitude, be it a priest opting out of life, an under-duress housewife or a young fellow joining the army.
Alternatively, perhaps they make these choices too young and wake to their realities too late. However, others will possibly say that - like the Ethiopian slaves - they're perfectly content with their lot and do enjoy some leisure time.
In fact, so have most slaves throughout history, reflected, for example, by the constant griping in late 19th century Cuban newspapers about drunken slaves cavorting in Havana on Saturday nights.
There's no doubt Clive Bundy may be on to something. Conservative Party leader Colin Craig should introduce this as a nice fit new policy plank - that is if an increasingly desperate David Cunliffe doesn't nick it first.
