Give them an AA for absolutely awful service

RECENTLY, I've had reason to visit the Automobile Association twice in their new location.

Both times I've left frustrated and enraged.

The first occasion was when I was accompanying my eldest life form in his much-anticipated bid to sit his practical driving exam.

He's paid $130 up front and had been waiting a month, such is the backlog.

An hour had been allotted to him for a test that takes roughly half that time.

Admittedly, we had arrived about seven minutes late, unable to get a park in the generous three spaces provided, one of which was reserved for mobility card holders, so in actuality only two parks were provided for a business that's all about cars and motoring. Makes sense - yes, I'm using sarcasm again - it may be the lowest from of wit but it sure is effective.

We make our way to the counter where my son is told, that because he is more than five minutes late, he will have to reschedule his test. Talk about pedantic. There was still plenty of time. I felt my blood beginning to boil. My lone maternal bone felt that unfamiliar ache as I struggled to stay silent.

Said life form was 18 years old, his own man. I decided to keep my trap shut and see how he would handle the situation. He did remarkably well, a chip off the old block, he countered with a fine mix of common sense reasoning and some sarcasm of his own. I felt rather proud.

The staff member was having none of it. He would have to wait at least three weeks for the next available appointment. Not even Winz is that inefficient, I thought to myself.

Then came the real bombshell, the AA would be keeping the money paid, as a late fee, and my son would have to pay again. This was bloody daylight robbery.

I was chomping at the bit by this time, a passing animal control officer could have mistaken me for a rabid dog. I wanted to go for the throat, in a bid to defend my precious pup but not wanting to embarrass him, I reluctantly remained mute and eventually we left defeated.

I've since scoured the documentation for the bit where it tells you will forfeit all fees paid if late but have been unable to locate it. I wonder if it is truly legal or just some money-making scheme they dreamed up, probably out of bitterness at losing their contract to VTNZ. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but someone needs to look into it.

Then I went to see them on a matter of renewing my driver's licence. Still no available space in their vast customer parking lot.

The very same lady who had served my son welcomed me. I knew then I was doomed.
I needed ID and lots of it. With any further world travel not in the budget, I had let my passport expire. So apart from my old licence I had no photo ID. Did I have a fire arms licence, she cheerfully asked. No, I answered. Original birth certificate. Yes, I have one of those, cost me a fortune to get too. Then she tells me that because my birth certificate was issued before a certain year it's not valid. I just stand there, incredulous, secretly thinking "fire arms licence or not, where's a freaking gun when you need one?"

So apparently now, if above a certain age, not even original birth certificates are worth the roughly $30 piece of paper they are written on. She very politely talks me through the plethora of paperwork I must fill in and explains what documents I must return with. I just can't be bothered arguing, but again I wonder if this is just some new rule they have plucked out of thin air. Heaven forbid that something can be straightforward and easy.

Again, I am unable to find any reference in the paperwork to this mystical date that renders my certificate null and void and again I'm left to question its legality.

I muster up the strength for a parting shot, "do you require my first born and vial of blood too?"

"No, that won't be necessary," she responds. I walk out, exhausted, childbirth is easier.

I'm quite sure, somewhere, deep in the murky bowels of the Beehive, trolls are lurking. Feeding from the Bellamy's pig bucket, their sole mission is to dream up ridiculously unfair bogus tolls and penalties. Cunningly creative curve balls that smack us in the face and are specifically manufactured to make our lives a misery.

So the $43.90 cost of renewal is actually going to cost me $100.40. That's a pretty big difference. So much for the lifetime licence. Who knew lifetime really meant 10 years? I don't know which is more absurd, that or the Freeview that cost you hundreds. Only government could dream up two such ludicrously named money-makers. The troll is taking its toll, in more ways than one.

Kate Stewart is an unemployed, reluctant mother of three, running amok in the city. investik8@gmail.com