Gatecrashing MasterChef

With no official invite and no reservation, my only option was to gatecrash MasterChef New Zealand.

It's Sunday night and I'm seated at my table for one. I see 11 couples in front of me. At the end of this two-course dinner only nine will remain and, although it pains me to say it, within 15 minutes of each episode, I will know exactly who is going to be in the bottom two or three.

The editing on this programme has become as predictable as the poker faces on the overly dramatic judges and the recipe needs changing - or, at the very least, it needs to be put in blender and blitzed the hell out of.

As sure as the eggs that cost Brigitte and Paul their place in the competition in the second course of MasterChef on Monday, I've learned over the years that the eliminated and/or worst performing are invariably the ones who are supremely confident at the start -- or are thrilled with the flavours at the end of it.

Both weekly servings proved me right again. Just as I could be sure the minute Jenn said all she needed to do was follow the recipe, she would, of course, not follow the recipe. It's just too obvious.

But, I have to hand it to her, putting eggs into a mortar and pestle left even me gob-smacked and was an embarrassing new low in culinary skill and know-how.
Both seafood challenges saw the usual reaction from competing couples, with Cerry and Melanie virtually insulting the guest chef/judge, one even going as far as letting him know she thought his recipe was "terrible".

The stale editing format continued as we got to see very little of the safe, middle-of-the-roaders as cameras catch only the cold hard reality of those who will place in the top and bottom. Yawn.

There's the stock shameless exploitation of one of Simon Gault's restaurants, this time disguised to look like a prize for the deserving. Interesting to note, too, that when showing the Grand Prize Package, they mention an exclusive MasterChef cook book deal, but somehow Simon Gault's own cook book just happens to be there on display -- despite the fact he has never been a Masterchef winner. He must have been gutted though, when his range of cookware didn't feature.

Confident that despite a few minor flaws, the flavours were good enough to see them through, mother and son duo Donna-Marie and Jon seemed blissfully unaware they had served Ray Vinnie "dishwater" and were quickly re-named Gonna-Marie and Gone.
Overall, a fairly ordinary two-course meal. Happy I gatecrashed because it wasn't worth paying for. Too late to ask for more, with the series done and dusted months ago, I expect the editing will continue to spoil what could be a potentially tasty dish.

Maybe next week's menu will be a little more exciting. A doggy bag for Waffle would be nice.