The Boris Johnson show did a quick whistle-stop through Kiwiland. He'd sashayed in under God only knows what pretext -- unveiling some bizarre memorial down Wellington way, I think.
As the Worzel Gummidge of British government, he had a one-liner for every occasion. In that respect he's probably not too far off comics of old, such as Bob Hope -- a quality act who enlivened a couple of generations.
In callow youth, I naively assumed Bob's slick delivery was all his own work and genius improvisation. Alas, I was stunned to discover he had a squad of fulltime, handsomely remunerated gagsters frantically joke-making on his behalf behind the scenes (a young Woody Allen included).
Now Boris packs a few pistons in the top paddock, albeit with an occasional misfire. Ian McKinnon -- the Kiwi who mastered at elitist Eton College for a while -- rated him one of the top students he ever taught. Eton's alumni include 19 prime ministers, but then again a Google review notes that it is "full of snotty, arrogant and generally obnoxious boys". Then again, the reviewer's name is Nigel Wankstrong.
Boris is also no stranger in the word world. He's a former editor of the Spectator , and when still Conservative mayor of London, he side-pocketed a quarter-million quid a year ($437,000) doing a weekly column for the right-wing Daily Telegraph -- not nicknamed the "Daily Torygraph" for nothing.
But, sad to say, Boris -- along with countless counterparts -- is just part of the sponsored reality show that now passes for politics, and his entourage probably includes a one-liner production unit churning out a gag for every gig: "Jasper, gimme a cracker on this nose-bumping hongi business!"
The Boris Johnson Show: British comedy is not what it used to be.
Equally sadly, for developed nations, the UK is now king of the dung heap when it comes to mixing business and politics. A 2012 study showed over 90 per cent of the top 50 UK public firms could boast a sitting parliamentarian as either a director or shareholder. Italy, with just 16 per cent, was next on the list of 47 nations surveyed. The UK rate was six times higher than the Western European average and 10 times that of the Nordic states.
Increasingly, being a UK MP is seen as merely a ticket to plum private sector jobs or consultancies. The recent cash-for-peerages, lobbyists-for-cash, and MP allowances and expenses rorts are just tips of a very tawdry vice-berg. With a few exceptions, fuelling the mix is a vitriolic business-baron-owned press. For anyone threatening a predatory neo-liberal agenda, if it can't dig dirt, it will simply invent it.
It was showcased during the Rupert Murdoch-owned News of the World phone-hacking scandal. But the really scandalous aspect is the extent to which successive Governments -- both Conservative and Labour -- have scraped and crawled to curry press endorsement and secure funding and emoluments. It's a quid pro quo, and the quids come from advocating big-business agenda quo.
This is the new UK normal, and why the likes of toxic Tony Blair, deposed Chancellor George Osborne and previous PM David Cameron seamlessly segue into top-echelon big business.
Part of Boris's shtick was affirming we're all go for a trade deal post-Brexit.
But a week is a long time in politics. In six months, Boris would probably have to be reminded who and where New Zealand actually is.
Oh, and what was that memorial unveiling business in Wellington about again? Oh, yeah -- something to do with all the cannon fodder we sent over for the War To End All Wars. Pity it didn't pan out.
Then again, no more wars would mean Britain -- in contravention of international law -- would now be missing out on the multiple billions it's back-pocketing by helping arm a corrupt, oligarchical and fundamentalist Saudi regime to prosecute a war in the Yemen that's already resulted in one of the most obscene humanitarian disasters of recent times.
