Frank Greenall: Bantam and the warthog

Donald Trump gives short shrift to a journalist at a press conference after his meeting with North Korea leader Kim Jong Un. Photo / AP

OCCASIONALLY, to wrap the evening TV news, there's a heart-warming clip about, for example, a warthog that — for reasons best known to itself — has buddied up with a bantam rooster, and how they're now inseparable mates.

We may have witnessed just such an odd-ball pairing with the very welcome — but slightly bizarre — summit in Singapore between the Donald and his new chum, the swatch-topped Mr Kim.

They ended up co-signing some sort of vague document, but generally the feeling is much better to be signing any old scrap of paper than calling down hellfire and nuclear damnation on each other.

It was the warthog and the bantam getting it on, but also an attraction of similars.
Both leaders come from highly-privileged backgrounds that have given them a sense of arrogance and entitlement, if not downright obnoxiousness.

Mr Kim has a record of getting obnoxious with extreme prejudice with sundry functionaries and relatives — including his own brother and uncle — to the point where they're no longer in the land of the living.

Reputedly he was chosen to succeed as leader because — even though the youngest — he was the "meanest and nastiest" of his male siblings.

Trump hasn't quite gone to those extremes, but he still gropes way above his weight in the obnoxiousness stakes.

Courageously for these crucial negotiations, President Trump forewent the usual pre-strategising in favour of an ad hoc approach.

He was banking on his formidable instincts in the art of the deal.

"Within the first minute, I'll know," Mr Trump said. "My touch, my feel ... that's what I do."
And what better testimony to that than the bus-load of women wanting their day in court to bear personal witness to this special area of the president's touch and feel expertise.

But lucky for Mr Trump that the relationship is warming as evidence has emerged that the Satanic North Korean regime has developed a devastating "Shrink-ray", pointed directly at the president.

The American public was assured by the new president's personal physician that his illustrious client's physical constitution was second only to the Man of Steel.

Frank Greenall

It later emerged that the endorsement had been personally dictated by the new Commander-in-Chief, but hey ...

The president's stat sheet also clearly stated his height was a commanding six foot three inches — in America-speak. Yet a group photo taken of the respective leaders at the recent G7 summit in Quebec seems to suggest a few of these inches have gone AWOL.

In the photo, the president is standing beside his newly-acquired arch enemy, Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau.

Mr Trudeau stands at 6'2, yet the photo clearly shows he's at least an inch taller than the POTUS beside him.

A mathematician friend assures me this indicates Mr Trump is only 6'1 at most.

This is highly embarrassing for the president. His reduced altitude, in conjunction with his body mass index, means he's now technically obese.

But worse, it indicates that rumours of an insidious DPRK Shrink-Ray may be true.

North Korea talked about negotiating with President Trump on equal terms. At the President's current shrink rate, the evil ray will have soon equalised Mr Trump's stature to that of Kim's 5'7.

Yet Mr Trump's defining moment may be at hand.

Should he secure a worthwhile deal with "Little General" Kim, the world will applaud. Or then again, it may not, given he was mainly responsible for stirring up the hornets' nest in the first place.

However, Trump likes to be prepared ...

With an uncanny premonition of impending greatness, a while back he had a false replica Time magazine cover made featuring himself. Framed copies of the bogus cover were then hung in the foyers of his various golf clubs — given his natural detestation of fake news, an act of true self-sacrifice.