Fitting in comes at a high cost

Chris Northover PHOTO/FILE

My father had the letter "M" tattooed on his arm. The ink had run, and it was harder to make out, but it was an "M" all right.

My mother's name began with "N" but dad told me it stood for "mother". It was only later when credulity had shrunk and cynicism had grown that I learned that "M" was the initial of the fiancee he had had before he left for the war in Italy.

That taught me two things: nothing is forever, especially when young love is concerned; and tattoos look really ugly when they are older and the ink has run.

Imagine the pain of the Nelson father whose 16-year-old daughter had prominent tattoos inked on the backs of her hands. That decision would have limited her employment prospects and set her social standing in stone.

Potential boyfriends could well have been limited as well think about the difficulties faced by a young bloke taking her home to his parents for the first time. She might as well have had "Property of Hell's Angels" tattooed across her. Statements made by teenage minds ought to be written in pencil on paper, not inked into precious young skin.

I imagine that the tattoos were as much a plea to belong. Why else put them on such prominent places as the backs of her hands? Acceptances by peer groups are like that and kids will do anything to fit in.

I wonder, when I see otherwise beautiful young women wearing a ball gown but with big ugly black splotches over their backs or arms: what were they thinking? Did they think it would add to their appeal? To whom would it have looked "cool" and for how long?

Also linked in an odd way is the tale of a Wanganui grandfather who was asked by his daughter to care for his 13-year-old grandson because of the boy's "behaviour difficulties" at home. The boy was wagging school and wouldn't explain himself, so granddad kicked the boy on the backside - an effective remedy well known to most people from my generation.

But this case has complications on so many levels. The grandfather had threatened the boy with a kicked backside if he kept misbehaving and the boy had told him he would go to the police if he carried out the threat. We are not told the other details of the boy's misbehaviour, or if the kicks injured him, but granddad was convicted and received 40 hours' community service. How much love must that grandfather have held for his grandson to have accepted the challenge of caring for him? How much more love if he still maintains a relationship with him? Who is there to discipline the child now? I would hate to contemplate how the family relate to each other. Did our legislators really intend this outcome?

In the 2009 referendum, preliminary results showed 87.6 per cent of people voting "No" to the question:"Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand?", with 11.81 per cent of people voting "Yes".

The new Key Government was told by officials that if they changed the law back, then they would also have to determine what would represent "reasonable force" but that this was simply too hard for the officials to draft. Responsible parents now have all responsibility and no control.

Chris Northover is a Wanganui-based former corporate lawyer who has worked in the fields of aviation, tourism, health and the environment - as well as designing electric cars and importing photo-voltaic panels.