Even resilient people are vulnerable

Kristen Hamling Photo/File

I was really sad to hear about the death of Robin Williams. From what I knew of him, he was one of the good celebrities: altruistic, caring, authentic and funny - really, really funny.

There have been many opinions voiced about the way he ended his life; with some people saying that it was his choice to end his life and a selfish one at that.

To me, this shows that a number of people still don't understand suicide and there continues to be stigma around these issues.

Although an unhappy topic to talk about, suicide continues to be an important subject to raise awareness about. So this week a quick segue in the happiness journey to talk about a really important matter.

My own personal experience with suicide is as a psychologist. I have worked with a number of people who were considering ending their lives and worked with family members who have lost loved ones to suicide. So it is easier for me not to think of suicide as a "choice" as such.

Suicide involves a complex interplay of many factors. A big one is when someone gets to a point in their lives when they feel that nothing can be done to alleviate their distress and solve their problems. They have tried so many things, but nothing works to resolve the issues.

This is called helplessness "nothing I do makes a difference". Over time, helplessness results in "hopelessness", which is where a person sees absolutely no hope for a brighter future.

Hopelessness and helplessness is a dangerous combination and believe me when I say, this combination can happen to the best of us.

I have seen the most resilient people go through events that tear away at their resources and leave them vulnerable to suicide. People who are suicidal, don't want to die as such, they simply want to stop the harrowing emotional pain.

Our health, well-being and happiness are our most vital assets that should not be taken for granted.

These are our key resources that grow or deplete depending on our actions and it is critical that we take the time each day, each week, each year, to do the things that build our gutsy happiness.

In doing so, we may just protect ourselves from the many challenges and demands that life presents us.

It is such a shame that Robin Williams couldn't work through his demons. His death is a real loss to the world - we need people like him to stay around as his positive energy and enthusiasm were contagious.

As an example, a funny story relayed by Christopher Reeve was recently run again in the media.

After Reeve's horse-riding accident, he was in hospital waiting for surgery, unsure if he would live or die, or walk again.

Suddenly a man burst through the door of Reeve's hospital room dressed in surgical gear and speaking in a Russian accent. The man said he was a proctologist and had to examine Reeve.

Upon realising it was Williams, Reeve said it was the first time since the accident that he had laughed.

He reported that the laughter and company of good friends made him feel joy and this, in turn, made him realise that everything would be okay.

Goodbye, Robin Williams - you will be sorely missed.

A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at Auckland University of Technology.