Enjoy the little things in life

The beauty of a sunset. PHOTO/FILE

Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable, but it is a way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.

(From The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents by William Martin).

I stumbled upon this quote online and it captures beautifully the undercurrents of gutsy happiness; that the simple beauty of life steeped all around us has the most to offer rather than the big whiz-bang exciting parts of life.

The big whiz-bang hedonistic parts of life are extremely fun and enjoyable but they are only one part of gutsy happiness. I think finding the extraordinary in the ordinary is also a good way to achieve a depth to your happiness.

Children have such a natural wonder of the world and their enthusiasm can't help but rub off on us. But how do we ensure that our children, and ourselves, keep this natural wonder of the world?

I resonate more and more with the above poem - that is to find wonder and joy in the everyday things around us; to stop and smell roses; to marvel in the beauty of a sunset; to appreciate our health and how good it feels to climb a mountain and to know the feeling of joy when you show kindness to another human being.

Although I spoke about these ideas at the start of The Happiness Journey I feel it is important to remind ourselves to get off life's treadmill every now and then and stop. Refocus your attention on the here and now, find joy again in something you have taken for granted, play and have fun, and show gratitude for what you have. It is so often the case that "we take for granted the things that most often deserve our gratitude". (Cynthia Ozick). After being a trauma psychologist for 10 years, I have come to appreciate how valuable life is and how quickly our lives and health can be taken away from us.

When you see people crippled by anxiety, people who can't walk after a car accident, or sit with a family following the death of a loved one, you realise how precious and precarious life is.

Listening to the stories of people who are grieving or about to lose their own lives, I find it striking that what they miss the most is the little things in life. Watching a sunrise, sharing a funny story with a loved one, dancing to their favourite music, walking in nature or smelling the beach. In other words, it is the ordinary things in life they miss the most.

It is a worthwhile reminder to find gratitude and enjoyment in these things while you are healthy, rather than at a time of trauma, grief or loss.

Next week I move on to building quality relationships - one of the biggest contributors to gutsy happiness.

A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Wanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in positive psychology at Auckland University of Technology.