"This is a tricky topic: I spoke to a group of men about this and you could just feel them getting tense as I spoke about it " but then a sense of relief.
"The elephant in the room is our daughters start to develop sexually and, as men, we retreat. Our little girls climb all over us; we wrestle, tickle, cuddle and they snuggle up to us in bed. But that vanishes when they start growing bumps and curves.
"Our culture has a strong 'touch taboo' and many fathers of developing daughters suddenly stop all expressions of physical affection towards their girls.
"This is happening at the very time our daughters are becoming maximally sensitive to how people react to them. They are being bombarded with messages from teen culture and the media that how you look is very important; more specifically, how appealing you are to men is a measure of your worth as a person. If they pay less attention to you, you are less valuable.
"Don't get me started on what an awful, soul-crushing lie this is. The sad fact is many - probably most - of our girls are impacted by this message. So they are watching to see how males react to them and, suddenly, the most important male in her life, the first man she ever gave her heart to, her dad, is pushing her away.
"She interprets our less physical approach as rejection. Stir in a good dose of hormonal over-reaction and the relationship can rapidly turn into a sour train wreck. Your little mate who did everything with you is now distant and antagonistic - and you start to feel that stuffing being kicked out of your heart.
"So how do cope with this? With respect, wisdom, courage and sensitivity. Explain the changes in terms of her growing up: 'Whoa. You're a big girl now, so instead of jumping on my back, sit here next to me and I'll put my arm around you like this.' There's still warmth and contact, but it is different.
"In subtle ways, let her know you respect and accept her emerging womanhood. It may not be appropriate to 'rough and tumble' but you show respect and admiration with:
-Warm and affectionate smiles
-Appropriate, affectionate touch
-Spending time with her
-Engaging her in conversation
"Realise she may also be uncomfortable with herself and, at some stages, she may pull away from a hug or a kiss. Your feelings will be hurt, but you know what is going on, so remain constant in your affections. It is very important to show that you accept she is changing and you are comfortable with that.
"For more information on raising princesses, have a chat with your Queen " I'm sure she will have lots of wise advice."
- Used with permission, www.theparentingplace.com. For more great tips and strategies for parents, contact Liza and Lynette at skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz, ph/text 027 626 1404
