Too many lives are being affected by out-of-control adults and frankly I'm tired of witnessing what can now only be seen as an epidemic of people who can no longer handle their emotions.
When are we going to stop enabling these characters and making excuses for them?
Being emotionally numb, or not being able to emotionally regulate themselves enough to be able to offer those around them a level of personal safety is not the fault of others, but rather a reflection of their inability to emotionally mature. Sure, as children I understand these folk would have possibly learnt this bad behaviour due to what they would have been exposed to, but it's no longer a good enough excuse.
Research suggests that not all these tricky personalities had trauma in their lives, some were jellyfished and put on a pedestal by over-indulging parents. Neither the over-controlling bullying authoritarian parent nor the jellyfish parent are ideal for teaching little humans to become well functioning big humans.
We need a parenting school, or should we have compulsory courses for every new parent? But whatever the reason that people grow up to be controlling adults, it's time for these characters to grow up and emotionally develop, but someone needs to show them how.
A healthy relationship usually has a different meaning to them, and sits more in "control or be controlled" rather than them having a concept of mutually sharing the power of the relationship. They also have a distorted sense of needing to be needed to the point that it's a personal offence if you don't need them to the degree that they think you should.
Working with energy as I do, I have come to learn how these folk prey and feed off their unsuspecting victims. The partner is not seen as an equal but something to be conquered. How you can weed out a narc personality from the get-go is to mention something about you not "needing" this relationship but rather "wanting" it! Expose your heart and watch as he or she responds. If they fly into a rage and toss their toys out of the cot, then get out of the relationship right there!
If you're the compassionate type what you'll probably do is to make excuses for their behaviour, feel sorry for them and think you've got a grip on this (possibly because you yourself might have some subconscious beliefs of needing to be needed) and all you have to do is to keep loving them more and things will be unicorns and rainbows again.
It will never be that again, despite having the odd taste now and then. They will know the dynamic well and will just throw you some crumbs now and then to keep you guessing. If you've found you've missed the sign posts and you're in deep, it's harder to walk away. You're probably now addicted to this toxic reality and the pull to keep "working" at what you know deep down isn't working is excessively strong! They're like a drug to you and the need for those unicorns and rainbows has now become the obsession.
