Don't let toileting drive you potty

Lynette Archer Photo/File

This week at SKIP, Liza and I have been thinking about the stages of development in young children and the challenges some of these stages are for parents.

One of the trickiest things is children learning to use the toilet. For a start, it can happen any time between 18 months and 4 years and with that can come the added pressure from those around you asking whether your child is still in nappies.

This is a time to make some plans, know the signs and do things when your child is ready which may not always be when you are.

Things to remember:

Your child has to be ready. They have to know when they need to go and how to hold on. This stage in their development needs clear signals going from their brains to their bodies. It can't be rushed. It's like learning to walk or talk.

When people ask if your child is out of nappies, just say "almost" or "they're not ready yet" or "we're still working on the connections".

It can take time, and there will be accidents. Getting angry won't help it will probably just make them nervous or scared.

Children are getting ready when:

They start being dry for long periods.

They are interested in watching others go to the toilet. Let them do this. It helps them see that it's something very normal that everyone does.

They start talking about it.

Getting started:

Use toilet language. Give things common names, teach them the words your family uses about going to the toilet.

Talk to them about saying if they need to go. Tell them you can help.

Choose a settled time. Not when you're moving house, or have lots of visitors or a new baby arriving.

Let them sit on the potty with their clothes on. Let them sit their toys on the potty as well.

Notice when they go. Start popping them on the potty or toilet at regular times.

Keep your eyes open for signs they need to go: jiggles, clutching, farts, hiding behind the curtain.

Be direct "I think you need to go for a wee in the toilet/potty."

Don't leave them on the toilet or potty for ages until they do something. If they do go, give them lots of praise.

Read books or tell stories about kids learning to use the toilet.

Think about the toilet. If it's cold and uncomfortable, use a potty in a warm place, put some things on the wall they can look at, sing a special song.

Help them dress for success. Elastic waists are easier to pull up and down.

Keeping it going:

When they start going to the toilet, take them shopping for some undies.

Sometimes the whole process can take weeks, sometimes months.

If it is getting too hard, try again later.

Things can be going really well and then suddenly you are back to having more accidents. Change can be a factor, be patient and give them time to settle down.

Stay positive, try not to make it a big deal.

Give them lots of praise, for sitting on the toilet/potty, for telling you when they want to go, for doing it.

Nights can take a lot longer to sort. Some children might need to wear a night-time nappy till they are 5 or 6.

Remember to ask other parents and grandparents for their best tips, every bit of support helps.

These tips are from the free SKIP pamphlet Out of Nappies, on to the Toilet. If you would like a copy, text Lynette and Liza 027 626 1404 or email skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz.