Maybe social media was to blame - the lifeforms, like so many others, opting out of the real world to surf endlessly in cyber space, riding the wave of new technology. Online they learnt a new language, one dominated by vowel-less words, acronyms and emoticons.
When they did talk it was like no language I'd ever heard before. "Street speak" - a new dialect that combines poor English with crude abbreviations and various obscenities.
If I was to have any chance of talking to the lifeforms I had to learn these new lingos to show them I could relate and be one of the "cool mums".
I'm sure many of you are familiar with "freak speak" (my own name for it) but for those who are not, it's never too late to familiarise yourself with it and build up your street cred, so to speak. I'm certainly not fluent and the lifeforms make fun of me and laugh - but hey, at this stage, if it results in a verbal exchange, I'll take whatever I can get.
Here's an example that also doubles as proof as to why literacy levels in New Zealand are such a huge concern at present.
"Sup G, was doin my thing at da gym wit da bros, minding me own bizzo an rocking da workout when, like for no reason G, this lil biatch starts givin me da evil eye and gettin in my face an like dissing me, man. So I'm like, yo mofo, waddup, you betta back the eff up man, like don't be gettin all up in my grill, don't make me one outs ya. I coulda dropped that mother so fast, for realz bro. Da pussy soon backed down, specially when he saw da peeps I was wit, biatch even said soz. Just as well G coz if I had one outsed him he'd be crawling back to his crib G. S'all gud now but. Teach that mofo not to mess wit me."
Stunning stuff, isn't it? And that's a toned down version. It's enough to render one speechless. Shakespeare would be turning in his grave (bro). I'm genuinely concerned that between "freak speak" and social media lingo we could be witnessing the slow and painful death of the English language as we know it. Latest studies and reports tell us that more children than ever before are turning up at kindergartens and even schools with little or no speech skills, yet they are competent users of iPhones and/or iPads. We are talking via keyboards, even within the family home. Texting that dinner is ready, saying goodnight via messenger or Facebook and all in the laziest way possible. Any wonder then that kids can't spell, when their introduction to using the written word comes from the new shortened form used in text ... yes, it does have an "e" in it.
Txt, OMG, irl, LOL, pxt, ROFL, wtf, ASL, ikr, BBS, afk, IMO ... the list goes on and on and is constantly being added to, not to mention the creation of new words like "selfie" that have actually been added to the Oxford Dictionary, with plenty more to follow, I'm sure.
Here's a couple I've thought of myself : drexting - driving while texting, "a selsie" - a picture of someone else and "wexting" - walking and texting, let's see if they catch on, maybe go viral, or maybe not.
Seriously though, as fun and as cute and as seemingly harmless as it all appears to be now, we need to start thinking about the long term implications of dumbing down the language just for convenience and ease of use ... aka laziness. I'm not saying that these new lingos have no place but nor should they be considered the norm. I'm just grateful the life forms have mastered real English, even if they choose, at times, not to use it.
Every language from every country is a beautiful thing, rich in history and symbolism, each word full of meaning and purpose. The phrase "use it or lose it" springs to mind and now, more than ever, we need to use it to its full potential. Maximise it, not minimise it. So spread the word, preferably the whole word, when and wherever possible, before "freak speak" becomes our native tongue. Having said that, I welcome your feedback, in any language. -investik8@gmail.com
-Kate Stewart is an unemployed, reluctant mother of three, currently running amok in the city ... approach with caution or cheesecake.
