Whanganui Chronicle
  • Whanganui Chronicle home
  • Latest news
  • Sport
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
  • Death notices
  • Classifieds

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • On The Up
  • Sport
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Residential property listings
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology

Locations

  • Taranaki
  • National Park
  • Whakapapa
  • Ohakune
  • Raetihi
  • Taihape
  • Marton
  • Feilding
  • Palmerston North

Media

  • Video
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-Editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

Weather

  • New Plymouth
  • Whanganui
  • Palmertson North
  • Levin

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • What the Actual
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Whanganui Chronicle

Danger lurks among us every day

By Nicola Young
Whanganui Chronicle·
30 May, 2014 09:38 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Police investigating the disappearance of Blessie Gotingco search a cemetery on Eskdale Rd in Auckland. Photo/File

Police investigating the disappearance of Blessie Gotingco search a cemetery on Eskdale Rd in Auckland. Photo/File

Last week I struck a chord when writing about how women are all too readily critiqued for their appearance in the media, even when it's almost always irrelevant.

One reader challenged me that the big issues for women today should not be whether they are judged for wearing the wrong dress on the red carpet - it's really about being safe.

Then this week our news has been led by the apparent murder of an Auckland mum walking home from the bus after work and yet another mass shooting by a young American man, this one accompanied by misogynist rantings.

The shootings have prompted a stream of tweets using the hashtag #YesAllWomen, with women sharing their experiences of feeling vulnerable - or worse.

Back in New Zealand, the initial disappearance of Blessie Gotingco led the news, as did the arrest of a man charged with her murder.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

While details of the accused have not been released, the implication is this is an attack by a stranger.

Unfortunately, for many women and girls in New Zealand, being attacked by someone they know is far more likely and therefore harder to avoid.

The inherited practice of walking on a dark street with your keys between your fingers is not going to help you in your own home.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Tom Meagher, the husband of Irish woman Jill Meagher murdered in Melbourne in 2012, wrote a compelling piece, The Danger of the Monster Myth, for the Irish White Ribbon campaign.

He was overwhelmed by sympathy and support after his wife's murder and, after some time, he wrote a blog to acknowledge that for the majority of women suffering violence, there is no archetypal villain, like his wife's killer, and most victims suffer in silence, their perpetrators known to them.

Meagher wrote: "The silent majority whose tormentors are not monsters lurking on busy streets, but their friends, acquaintances, husbands, lovers, brothers and fathers ... We cannot separate these cases from one another because doing so allows us to ignore the fact that all these crimes have exactly the same cause - violent men, and the silence of non-violent men."

The #YesAllWomen is designed in response to the defensive "but not all men are violent" some people feel compelled to state. And, as Meagher notes: "The monster myth creates the illusion that this [putting down women in jokes and comments] is simply banter, and sexist horseplay."

A tweet using #YesAllWomen suggested we discuss these experiences of women feeling vulnerable with our sons to help them avoid being naive of the extent of harassment, intimidation and violence.

My boys at 2 and 4 are too young, but I know their father and I will talk about consent when the time is right.

We already have to challenge Mr Four on his - I hope temporary - world views of what girls can and can't do.

One anecdote I read on Twitter was about how some men have felt threatened when hit on by other men - it was an insightful exchange:

"You are afraid, because the first time in your life you have found yourself a victim of unwanted sexual advances by someone who has the physical ability to use force against you.

"As a woman you learn to live with that from the time you are fourteen, and it never stops ... Every man walking through the parking garage the same time you are is either just a harmless stranger or a potential rapist."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The writer said the boys in the group seemed genuinely shocked by these revelations. "So think about that the next time you hit on a girl. Maybe, like you in the taxi, she doesn't actually want you to."

We - men and women - are part of transferring the responsibility for women feeling safe from being primarily with women to being primarily with men.

And to end with a quote from Maya Angelou, who passed away this week at 86: "I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."

Nicola Young is a former Department of Conservation manager who now works for global consultancy AECOM. Educated at Wanganui Girls' College, she has a science degree and is the mother of two boys.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Whanganui Chronicle

Premium
Whanganui Chronicle

Opinion: Why hospital staff deserve our gratitude

09 May 06:00 PM
Whanganui Chronicle

‘City man through and through‘: Club legend remembered

09 May 05:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Opinion: Your guide to planting a productive winter garden

09 May 05:00 PM

One tiny baby’s fight to survive

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Whanganui Chronicle

Premium
Opinion: Why hospital staff deserve our gratitude

Opinion: Why hospital staff deserve our gratitude

09 May 06:00 PM

Comment: Life gets put in perspective when you spend time in hospital.

‘City man through and through‘: Club legend remembered

‘City man through and through‘: Club legend remembered

09 May 05:00 PM
Premium
Opinion: Your guide to planting a productive winter garden

Opinion: Your guide to planting a productive winter garden

09 May 05:00 PM
'We haven't got anything': Club Metro sold but debts remain

'We haven't got anything': Club Metro sold but debts remain

09 May 05:00 PM
Connected workers are safer workers 
sponsored

Connected workers are safer workers 

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • Whanganui Chronicle e-edition
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Subscribe to the Whanganui Chronicle
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • NZME Events
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP