Compiling lists on my top-10 list of meaningless pastimes

Newspapers and magazines like to develop lists of 10 things. The Australian papers are full of them.

There are the 10 ways to keep a girl/boyfriend; the 10 ways to lose one; the 10 things for the bucket list - and the 10 best places to kick the bucket over. The listing counts anything and everything.

The Chronicle, to its credit, has refrained from making such lists, even around New Year when the urge to order things goes crazy.

The following is a list of the 10 reasons why a list of 10 things is a bad idea. (Those upping the ante with the 100 best "whatevers" are simply showing off their ability to count without using the fingers).

Rule 1. This 10 best listing means someone has to be last. The person/band/team/organisation in 10th place will feel aggrieved and either (a) rubbish numbers 8 and 9, or (b) pretend they don't care because lists are rubbish.

Rule 2. Most lists are data fluff gathered from flimsy reader surveys. Smartphones and social media give accurate measures of opinion but only from those with access to this technology, and there is a strong suspicion that such lists are largely compiled in the pub.

Rule 3. The task of listing the 10 things that are hip or passe at any given time is done in a similar way to Rule 2 - as accurate as reading tea leaves, except that it usually also involves alcohol.

Rule 4. Does knowing Keith Richards is ranked one of the best-dressed men mean anything? Does one listing of a Kardashian herald a shift in universal thought?

Rule 5. Listing the 10 most irritating habits of spouses is really irritating. This is often followed by the 10 ways to keep your marriage alive.

Rule 6. The world is full of talented people. If you do not speak English and are not from the United States or Britain you do not count.

Rule 7. A 10 best list of anything will probably not include any women - who will then get uppity, make their own list and be attacked in social media for doing so.

Rule 8. Who gets counted? The recently divorcing wife of a gazillionaire has entered a top 10 rich list. While married, only he and his wealth were counted. Now they have financially settled she is suddenly on the list. Perhaps those who make these lists previously mistook her for an accessory?

Rule 9. Predictive lists of the 10 people to watch for in future can make or break a career. The highly inflatable raft of hype can very quickly go flat and sink. Being on the British music industry's Mercury Prize shortlist is considered by some to be a sure way to derail a career. In 2001 Damon Albarn asked that the Gorillaz album be taken off the shortlist because, to quote him: "It would be like carrying a dead albatross around your neck for eternity".

Rule 10. Making lists of the things that define where you fit on the cultural grid is pointless. The overlapping margins between hipster, nerd, geek and the eccentric is where you find all those who are concerned that they might be clinging to the wrong trend, fearing they might get swept away on a wave of recycled sentiment.

Footnote: Next week I will be in Germany doing a round of gigs and sending regular reports on audiences, castles and beer.

Terry Sarten is a musician, writer and social worker - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz or www.telsarten.com