Compassion can be listening

OMG that was one hellish weekend. The worst flood in the district's history has wreaked havoc with property, businesses and people's lives.

It has certainly been a confronting reminder of what is really most important in this world. When the rug is pulled out from under our feet it is very difficult to get a firm grasp on things. People who are unable to go home will find it very difficult to navigate their lives at the moment. Heightened levels of stress and displacement mean that a number of families in Whanganui will be doing it really tough right now.

Often people wonder what they can do to help and what they should say to people who have been affected by a crisis, so here are a couple of tips.

Offer practical support:
Although I am a trauma psychologist by profession and would love to offer my services, generally at this point there is less need for psychology and more need for a hug. Also many people are not yet ready to talk about their feelings or process the magnitude of this event. They need practical assistance, such as food, clothing, toys for the kids, somewhere safe to live and kindness.

There have been so many stories of kindness, such as the Westpac staff who after learning that a 10-year-old girl lost all her belongings, including her Lego, went out and bought her a Lego set. They called the girl and her mother back to the bank and presented her with the Lego and a moneybox with some money in it.

These sorts of gestures are exactly what are needed and appreciated.

Help with simple tasks:
Many people affected by the floods will be in the "fight or flight" stage of stress. This means that the executive functioning in their brain (ie, ability to solve problems) will be compromised. They may need help in doing the simplest of things.

Offer your ear:
Another powerful thing that you can do right now for someone affected by the flood is to listen to their story. You don't need to offer practical suggestions or to solve their problem, you can't, but you can listen with care and compassion. A problem shared is often a problem halved.

Show that you care:
Show people that you care. Collective small gestures are just as important as the big ones. For instance, my son wanted to give some of his toys to the children affected by the floods. I thought we might build a hamper of helpful things and drop them to one of the collection areas.

Remember everyone is important:
Let's not also forget that a lot of people live in crisis every day. Whether that is through homelessness, domestic violence or health-related problems. Let's use this wonderful show of compassion, collective support and enthusiasm we have for each other as a way of continuing to grow relationships in this amazing place we call home, Whanganui.