I'd like to comment on a Dream Family Budget, which is a household recipe for family success. It has nothing to do with money and most items are free, but it has everything to do with success in raising children and successful lasting relationships.
It is idealistic but also practical, and the efficacy of it relies on the willingness of the family to take part.
The Children's Commissioner and former Principal Youth Court Judge Andrew Becroft often talks about the four pillars for raising good kids being family, friends, education and sports. He described them as being like the legs of a table — with a firm foundation there are no wobbles.
So in thinking about our family budget we should think about relationships both family and community, education, and leisure time.
Taking time to talk is key to a strong family unit, because really active listening means you take in body language as well as the spoken word — and you can tell when information is being held back.
Regular texts and emails are one thing, but a phone call delivers more, and dinner around the table is best.
Kids who are asked what they want from their parents always prioritise time rather than stuff, while busy parents try to give toys and trinkets in lieu of genuine engagement. They are a cheap and second-rate alternative.
Take your fish and chips to the beach or the wharf or the park instead of having them on your knees in front of the television, and just watch the benefits roll in.
Having a good relationship, or at least a working relationship, in the household is paramount, and people should do all they can to maintain them.
Even after broken relationships, parents shouldn't make their kids the meat in the sandwich between estranged parents. Back-stabbing while at the same time pumping your kids for information after every contact doesn't help relationships at all. It is said the best thing a father can do for his kids is to love their mother; if he can't do that, then showing respect is a close second.
Playing with kids or making a family activity out of gardening or taking a trailer-load of rubbish to the tip makes for good relationships. Watch the kids playing sport and do not bollock them from the sideline.
Kids watching parents taking their health seriously by going for a walk after tea, walking the dog or jogging between lamp-posts, teaches the children to take responsibility for themselves and their health.
Learning stuff and making enquiries is as important as reading to kids when they are little. Finding out what is going to be built on a newly cleared site teaches families to engage with their communities, while having a view on offshore drilling and exploration, sand-mining or some other local issue engenders a collective community responsibility.
Making a submission, even just a one-page letter, to the council or local MP shows kids that their views are important.
There is so much free education offered in our communities; it is very easy for parents to show their children how important it is to keep learning.
There is always an open day at the police station, fire station or prison, or an information night that can inform. Night classes for adults are cheap and then practising or doing your homework in front of the kids passes on the mantra about lifetime learning.
I get sick of hearing the government blamed for the inadequacies of parenting or being a good neighbour.
Stronger families lead to stronger communities that demand better government.
When Finance Minister Grant Robertson delivers his budget, the news will be all about: "What's in it for me?" My question is always: "What are you doing for yourself and your family?"
■Chester Borrows served as Whanganui MP for 12 years and as a minister in the National Government.
