Change gives us the chance to grow

Acceptance is key to coping with pain and loss.

The real estate boom in New Zealand made a lot of people a lot of money. Then the bottom fell out, prices dropped, credit got tighter and, all of a sudden, magnificent gains turned into catastrophic losses, leaving countless individuals and families reeling, emotionally and financially.

For those who are experiencing radical changes in their life, there is usually a period of shock and disbelief because things didn't go as planned. But I know at first hand that change provides a great opportunity for us to grow into the life we were meant to live.

Acceptance

In times of upset, we often experience emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, shame or despair. This usually stems from our rules or beliefs, about how life is supposed to be.

Unfortunately, many of us see a bad situation as being worse than it actually is, forgetting that millions of people around the world are far worse off than we are.

The real challenge is to be able to say: "Okay, this is where I am; these are the facts."

Accepting the pain and reality of the situation is often the toughest step towards making a breakthrough.

During times like this be compassionate with yourself. Emotional healing is going to take time; that is an essential part of acceptance.

Initially, you just want out of the pain, but really the only way out is ... through. When you come to that point of acceptance, then you start to reconnect with your vision for the future and you reconnect with hope.

Sounds easy enough, but how do we do that without fooling ourselves?

Simple - what matters to you more than you and your pain? For a lot of people, it's their kids or their family, or an activity they are passionate about. The cool thing about this step is that people start to realise what's truly important.

If you've ridden the wave of prosperity then experienced a hard crash, having to sell off everything, you have no choice but to humble yourself just to stay above water. This kind of letting go often leads to deeper connections between you and your family, and it sends us back to our core values.

We tend to get caught up in material stuff, but the tsunamis that come crashing through our lives wipe us clean and make us recognise the things that really matter.

Tough people last, tough times do not

For those who may be having a hard time adjusting to new circumstances, think about the hardships you've experienced before.

What did you gain from that experience? What emotional muscles did you build? What did that lead to, because you became stronger and more resilient? What difference has that made in your life?

Does what you learned from that previous period of hardship outweigh the suffering it caused? If the answer to that last question is "yes", then you are starting to recognise that whatever happens in your life, is a gift - your job is to find it.