Be a real man David, not some sycophant

Chris Northover PHOTO/FILE

Where I come from they have a name for a certain type of man. A very descriptive phrase - with all the contempt in which such a man is held evident in its saying. It is "petticoat warrior".

So named because it illustrates the picture of a frightened little boy - safe behind his mother's petticoats - hurling abuse at the world, safe in the knowledge that mummy will protect him.

This is the term that came to mind on Friday night when I saw a politician telling a group of smirking women that he was "sorry for being a man".

He said that family and sexual violence was perpetrated overwhelmingly by men and that - presumably - he was apologising on behalf of all men. It was at the Women's Refuge Family Violence symposium in Auckland - and while you would have to be an idiot not to know that most people bashing women are men, the transparent sycophancy behind this statement portrays the confusion and crushing hatred in this troubled area - chillingly well.

An overwhelming majority of women have fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, husbands, lovers and boyfriends who see it as their duty to love, protect and provide for them and who are just as appalled by family violence as they are.

This cheap attempt to gain a few votes by lumping all men into the character of the pathetic scum who resort to violence against women does nobody any favours and simply adds to the confusion.

I am concerned at the hatred that has filtered into this area and am concerned for the young men and women who have their perception of what it is to be a man coloured by this kind of talk. Is it not a short step for young men to develop self-hatred? What kind of self-image are young men building when this example of self-loathing is dished up with what they see as the new normal?

Is it going to be worthwhile growing up when he sees himself as just a woman basher? Do young women wait expectantly for their boyfriend to bash them - or worse? There is an inevitable outcome to this.

I have noticed that even the word "man" is being subsumed by the less loaded "male". This is poisonous. And this at a time when we are concerned at the alarming numbers of young men taking their own lives.

So I've got my own message for this man: perhaps rather than self or any other kind of hatred, wouldn't you be better served to work on love and understanding? With a gentle sifting of forgiveness folded in?

Now I know that none of these things help to warm the feelings that are in your belly, but it does work out in the end.

You see, David, I can't help noticing that you would like to be the leader of this country, and while many leaders have used hatred as a leadership tool in the past, it usually doesn't end well. And we all really just want the best for you - and for our country - not to mention our young men and women.