Despite all the ballistic histrionics of North Korea's thatch-headed man-brat, Kim Jong-un's threat to world security (if, indeed, there is such a thing) hardly registers on the radar.
That's not to say the tufted one isn't immensely enjoying jerking the string dangling from the thatch-headed man-brat leader on the other side of the Pacific. It's a braternity forged in heaven for the gratification of media junkies, as the bro brats go thatch-to-thatch seeing who can kick up most sand in the sandpit.
Oscar Wilde opined that life imitates art more than art imitates life. If one acknowledges the legitimacy of comics in the world of art -- and who in their right mind wouldn't? -- then the same dictum uncannily applies in the curious case of Dennis the Menace.
Comic fans will know that there are in fact TWO Dennis the Menaces.
One Dennis emerged fully formed in the pages of the English boys' staple comic weekly, The Beano, in 1951. As his sobriquet implies, Dennis was a right little tearaway with an unrelenting eye for any fiendish trick capable of making life miserable for his enemies and oppressors.
Naturally, he was an instant hit with Beano's young readership. Curiously, this Dennis sported a black thatch-head not dissimilar to a certain Kim Jong-un's.
On the other side of the Atlantic, spookily first published on the exact same day in 1951, was born another thatch-headed Dennis the Menace. The American Dennis the Menace was a slightly more benign version of the Beano terror, but nevertheless still a force in the mayhem stakes.
Curiously, this particular Dennis sported a big thatch of blond hair, not dissimilar to a certain Donald Trump's.
Making mischief: Dennis The Menace and dog Gnasher from the UK comic Beano.
These two comic characters, as mentioned, were published in their respective countries literally on the same day, with neither of their creators having any knowledge whatsoever of either each other or their respective comic characters.
Such is the capacity for celestial synchronicity, and the universal need for complementary dualities to kick the story along: cops and robbers; saints and sinners; cowboys and Indians; a "goodie" Dennis and a "baddie" Dennis -- Donnie and Kim.
The contemporary narrative with these characters is that baddie Kim/Dennis is head of an evil empire building and firing off instruments of the Devil, imperilling civilisation-as-we-know it in the process. Meanwhile, Donald/Dennis -- despite a few character flaws -- is playing the sheriff on the white horse who's gonna sort these varmints once and for all. And the sheriff and his posse are packing way more firepower than the baddies.
There's only one flaw in the game plan. Unfortunately it's a very big one. The flaw is that in normal times the goodies' arsenal is under the care of another cartoon character -- Homer Simpson.
Yes, the most powerful nuclear arsenal on the planet -- bristling with all manner of truly diabolic intercontinental missiles and warheads, with tens of thousands more megatonic punch than poor little North Korea could ever muster -- is subject to the very human failings of a bunch of Homer-like flunkies charged with the daily maintenance of this satanic potential Armageddon.
The number of times that both Russian and American military bunkers have lit up like Christmas trees with false alarms signifying imminent nuclear attack is truly frightening. On several occasions duty officers have been within minutes of ordering massive retaliation on a literally Mutually Assured Destruction scale.
In other words, the Dr Strangelove grinch is alive, well, and now the real enemy -- not some tin-pot dictator popping off a few empty missiles on the Korean Peninsula.
If we do go out with a bang, chances are it won't be a Kim Jong-un, or some crazed jihadist dreaming of virgins. It'll be more like the survivalist redneck who recently stuck a loaded revolver in his waistband and inadvertently blew his family jewels to Kingdom Come. So much for enlightened self-defence.
