Awesome memories can be positively joyful

Dancing Gangnam style is one way to pitch a PhD. PHOTO/FILE

When was the last time you checked out your current state of "awesomeness"?

Has there been any awesomeness in your workday; in a particularly good parenting moment; did you give up a holiday to spend time with your sick mum; or did you get up on stage and dance Gangnam Style to help your friend pitch her PhD? These are some of my friends' "awesome" moments in the past few weeks.

In our hectic and busy lives we often fail to reflect on - or completely gloss over - our moments of sheer joy.

When we are stressed we start to use different parts of our brain and our bodies become bathed in cortisol (a stress hormone). This puts us on the defensive and we tend to zone into the negative, often blindsighted to the good things that are happening around us.

Now this is all well and good when you need to meet a work deadline, save a life, attend to a crisis or solve a difficult problem. But we can't be like this all the time.

If we are constantly focused on the negative, then we become miserable and it can damage our relationships.

We need to balance this stuff out with an intentional focus on the moments of awesomeness in our lives.

For example, so often we forget why we first fell in love with our partners. All the monotony and challenges of day-to-day life tend to distract us from this.

I think that it is critically important to find situations where you are reminded of your partner's awesomeness.

I am one for leading by example, so here I go ...

The other day I was criticising my husband for something related to our boys. I had a good old rant and it made me think about all the things that my husband wasn't doing right.

Mind you, at the time he was doing me a favour - driving me to Bulls so I could get a bus to Auckland while he spent the next week looking after our boys. Not my proudest moment and I have since apologised profusely.

Since then my hubby has helped me on an important project related to my PhD. He was awesome, and it reminded me of why I fell in love with him - his intellect and sense of humour.

Stepping outside of the humdrum and into a novel experience helped to remind me of his good points. I fell in love with him again and was definitely reminded of his awesomeness.

We need to do this in any relationship. Make the time to see your mother, friend, child or work colleague's awesomeness. Seek out opportunities to see them doing something great, something that they are good at, or something they enjoy doing.

This applies to you as well make the time to do something that you rock at, whatever it is.

The positive feelings generated from the activity will absolutely lift your mood and remind you of your own awesomeness. You will then approach life, relationships, and difficulties with more vigour, creativity and compassion.

So get imaginative - and find your awesomeness.