Auckland housing market a win-win-win situation

HOUSING Minister Nick Smith has secured the breakthrough to the Auckland housing crisis he was always confident was there for the taking.

At a press conference at the National Party's Sky Tower headquarters, a beaming Minister Smith announced the Government's intention to release several hectares of prime Chatham Islands sun-dappled uplands specially designated for the construction of affordable Auckland housing.

"All Aucklanders will rejoice in this win-win outcome to their pressing housing requirements," Minister Smith enthused.

"I'm seriously thinking of becoming an honorary Aucklander myself - just so I, too, can use this marvellous initiative to coat-tail myself on to Auckland's world-renowned property ladder," he chortled in a rare display of bonhomie.

Asked if some struggling first-home buyers might find the commuting distance an issue, the minister's mood quickly changed.

"Naysayers have no place in this Government's go-forward vision," he bristled.

"Aucklanders have time and time again voted with their wheels in support of commuting - they can't get enough of it is the gist of the emails that flood my inbox on a daily basis.

"Just as God gave us the Blues, they say, so He blessed us also with abundant commuting which no man shall put asunder. And, as Minister, I'll be bending over forwards to maintain supply of the gold-plated commuting our Auckland constituents deserve."

And he deeply furrowed his brow for added emphasis.

How affordable the Chatham Islands Auckland housing would be was another question.
"Affordability is the non-negotiable byword for this whole initiative, and particularly for hard-pressed first-home buyers," the Minister was pleased to announce.

"For any hard-pressed first-home buyers pulling a combined income of at least $300,000 a year, these homes are going to be so affordable it's off the planet. This is because the whole, if I say so myself, tremendous initiative will be a PPP operation."

For the benefit of the many ignorant scribes at the press conference who thought PPP was the acronym for power point presentation, Minister Smith patiently explained that PPP stood for public-private partnership.

"This is another win-win situation. The Crown provides the land, while the private sector provides the infrastructure and actual housing, and the consumer wins because the only thing they have to come up with is the piffling four grand a week they need to cover the mortgage."

The Minister further explained that the whole package was a casebook exercise in streamlined efficiency. As anyone perusing the MPs' Register of Pecuniary Interests could quickly see, he observed, the register was bristling with National MPs with great experience in property ownership.

"For convenience's sake and the benefit of the taxpayer, Government has decided to capitalise on this fund of great experience to simply make these property-savvy MPs the executive team - and governance board for that matter - of the private company that will be in partnership with Government on this exciting Chatham Islands Auckland housing enterprise."

He was at a loss to think of any other initiative that was so win-win - in fact, it was so win-win, it was actually win-win-win. The Government wins, the Government's private company comprised of National MPs wins, and the hard-pressed first-home buyers able to pull $300K a year win also.

At the close of the press conference, however, Minister Smith did add one small proviso to the finalisation of the Chatham Islands Affordable Auckland Homes Property Initiative.

He mentioned that he had yet to talk to the local iwi who actually owned the land.