Are we simply programmed for love from birth?
We seem to evolve around this intangible thing which can crush us, heighten us, make us feel alive or, as historical experiments have revealed, can cause grave loss when specific types of nurturing haven't been present.
We write about love, see therapists about it, sing about it, and the human race keeps going by our lust for it. It occurred to me that the word "love" is included in the word "evolve".
Wow, I doubt that's a mistake!
Somebody was clever enough to know that evolution depends on love being in it.
Some folk have missed that memo however.
But that said, each of us has our own path to evolution and what we might see as our holy grail.
One thing is certain, however, and that love and the thirst for whatever we think love is will always keep us very busy.
Depending on how we see love, what we expect from it and what we are prepared to give to it, will depend on what happens in our relationships and ultimately our lives.
One of the barriers we have is not that we can't love, I think we all have that capacity, but rather our attachments to what we think love is.
These attachments will surface more consciously the older we get, which is perhaps why a lot of relationships break down once children have left or in the presence of challenging circumstances.
We can't dodge ourselves ever, we must live through every moment to experience it to shape us into what happens next. It's not rocket science!
And it must be accepted that change, no matter what, will not occur without us feeling uncomfortable.
We can hold on to the belief that life's experiences are happening to us and that we have no or little control (just like when we were kids), or we can put ourselves in the middle of it and accept that life might be happening WITH us.
For some folk not being in control is simply not an option which means growth and change is unlikely, although relationships can be the ultimate fertile ground to challenge us and to reveal where we need to grow.
They will always challenge boundaries, either the lack of them or the rigidity of them.
Sometimes we find ourselves in complex relationships and situations, wondering how the hell did we get here? What can we do if we find ourselves in such a tangle?
The answer is simple — but not easy!
Come back to basics and discover or re-discover your own values and see if they align with the sort of relationship you are in.
We have to keep a clear head, and if you're not sure, then there's a real simple measure which can be put in place to test our significant other's integrity.
Relationships for me have created an amazing space to learn about love and what I think it is/was, should be/could be, and I'm still learning!
I love being a life scholar, not in spite of any heartbreaks but because of them, as each new step of learning takes me closer to my holy grail, whatever that is.
I'm taking confidential expressions of interest for those who would like to know more about workshops/or one to one coaching.
This won't be about "what's happened" — these discussions are better had with those who are trained to look at historical stuff — (although I appreciate context is integral to perspective) but rather my coaching is a platform to move forward by drawing out the wisdom that exists BECAUSE of our history.
These sessions will be held in my new space in the mezzanine @ Victoria's Treasures. Official opening July 7.
www.carlascoachingforhealthcom https://www.facebook.com/1on1onone/