One among us suggested likelier success if advertising in the provincial papers where, perhaps, a hairdresser's parents might see it. I disagreed for, having discussed staffing with a hairdresser lessee, I know they prefer pretty girls which apparently pleases the clientele. And, being a lifelong student of such matters, I'm aware there are no pretty girls in the provinces, for as fast as they come off the production line, they sensibly upsticks for the big smoke.
Indeed, last year while in a provincial city with a mate I made this observation and wagered $20 that he couldn't find one. After half an hour's research through the central business district, ducking into shops and offices, I let him off for a tenner, which showed God likes me. For immediately following payment, we turned a corner and encountered a Chinese stunner at the front desk of a plainly new beauty clinic. But it's odds-on she's not homegrown, or alternatively is deranged.
These sociological observations testify to the exquisite symmetry of the market system - for, the market deploring a vacuum, there's a reverse flow from city to country by plain, husband-seeking fat girls, filling the rural void.
The market always finds its own levels - hence these classical supply-and-demand female migrations. Incidentally, this is the sort of practical case study that economics students should be undertaking instead of the rubbish they're taught.
That said, the market's invisible hand can sometimes surprise - such as reflected by the "What's On" section in the Dominion Post.
This advised that a David Gray would "play" the Town Hall. How does one do that I wondered? Was he a tennis player, proposing to use the Town Hall wall as a volley board? Inquiry elicited that he was a pop singer. I YouTubed him, revealing another ghastly microphone-gripping, anguished nasal wailer. To suffer this racket he sought punters paying opera ticket prices, specifically $142, this raising the puzzling improbability of any potential fan with such abysmal taste being able to afford $142. Perhaps Gray attracts the criminal classes and they steal it, he thereby leaving in his wake much police activity as he tours.* (see note below)
The next offering in "What's On" made more sense. This advised that something called Pablos Art Studies was rendering a performance of "a creative interpretation of text, words, phrases and letters in textual healing".
In market terms this was perfectly priced, being free, although not so another proffered "entertainment", namely something pretentiously called He Aha Te Utu, which apparently means Ladies in War. According to "What's On" this comprises a "theatrical performance at the National Library, honouring the unacknowledged roles of women in the First World War, as devised and performed by six Wellington women".
One suspects these ladies will not be of the category who would interest Berlusconi, nevertheless - to add to the excitement - they're offering a post-performance question-and-answer session. Hitherto I thought white-feather issuing was the sole role of our First World War womenfolk, but perhaps these ladies are being "creative".
Possibly in the Q and A session they will discuss knitting styles as, on reflection, white-feather distributing aside, a fair amount of sock-production probably occurred for the blokes in the trenches. All very Canadian Arts Council and - on face value - grossly over-priced with free entry, given payment to attendees would seem more logical to attract an audience.
Still, for those with time to kill (the worst of murders, to cite Pepys), who knows? Nevertheless, we can safely assume there will be no need for the riot control police.
These fascinating contemporary life nuances evidence the daily delights from one's newspaper, lost to non-readers. My professional friend doesn't know what he's missing.
-My supposition regarding Gray's audience proved remarkably prescient. A few days after I drafted this column, his performance occurred. It transpired he's incapable of wailing unless enveloped in smoke - this achieved by an apparatus accompanying him on stage - I imagine to avoid the distasteful sight of massed criminals.
When he set this off, the smoke triggered the fire alarm and the audience fled, as doubtless they're constantly doing from the sound of burglar alarms and police sirens. Unsighted and thus oblivious to this evacuation, Gray wailed on to an empty hall - all of this another gem from the daily newspaper.
